Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Ghosts, Breakfast and Synchronised Swimming

This morning I was awoken by my younger child, TJ, who came rushing in to tell me that his posters had fallen off his wall and he couldn't put them back up again.
Bleary eyed, I followed him back to his room where, indeed, three of his posters were lying on the floor. My first concern was that our 'ghosts' were back. We are regularly haunted by a number of  visitors, two of whom are mischievious children who were once locked in my youngest's room - it used to be the bathroom in one of the houses previous lives. We have a Grade 2 listed townhouse that dates back to Georgian times, so it was bound to have a few spirits and boy do they love visiting our youngest son.

Anyway, back to the posters. I tried to put them back on the wall where he wanted them and after about the third attempt in my 'barely awake' status, I realised why they would not stay on the wall - there was no Blutac!
I looked at TJ "Where did the Blutac go?" I asked, "Have you been peeling it off?"
"No." came the indignant reply... then he paused... "But I was hungry."
I looked at him in disbelief, "You mean you ate the Blutac?"
"I didnt eat it!" He said... I breathed a sigh of relief... "I just chewed it until it had all gone."
My immediate concerns were obvious. Is Blutac poisonous? Why would he eat it? Is it linked to past trauma - did he wake up and think he was going to starve? I was suddenly hugely guilty. I looked at his little starving face - imagine Oliver Twist in soft focus. He looked back at me and said, "Well, you won't let me have chewing gum so I invented my own." Little bugger!

Breakfast came and the two children decided what would be fun on a wet Wednesday morning would be to antagonise each other by throwing food and napkins across the table and then have a burping competition. When we stayed with my Mum recently my Nan came over for dinner and when Mum and I popped out to the kitchen the two littel 'angels,' believing that Nan was incapable of reprimanding them, began to play silly devils. My Nan very quietly raised her hand and, as diminutive as she is, she brought it down onto the table with such force that the table jumped into the air - as did Mum and I - and the two naughty little ones were stunned into silence and suddenly became the epitome of good manners. Nan looked at me and simply said, "Works every time - whats for dessert dear?"

This morning I decided to employ the same trick. As the kids reeked havoc across the table I quietly put my hand in the air and brought it down with a thoroughly pleasing 'crack'. The children jumped to attention and sat bolt upright as I gritted my teeth and ran into the kitchen to run my hand under cold water and ensure I hadn't broken any bones. How my Nan did that on a regular basis with four children to bring up is beyond me. My hand is still bruised now. But breakfast was a dream.

Finally, its still raining. Lea has got bored playing games and the wii and has gone to watch TV. TJ and I were playing the wii together. He is really good at the Synchronised Swimming game on the London Olympics. He got a gold! Then he looked at me and proudly said, "When I grow up I shall be a synchronised swimming champion!" Well, if they finally allow men to do it then I shall be one proud Daddy... My children can be whatever they want to be... and at least this a step up from his last dream.. which was to be a cleaner at Morrisons!


  1. This is too funny! Keep writing :)