Friday, 9 November 2018

A New Direction

I remember when I first started writing this blog - back in 2012 - how time flies, that my initial idea was to write a positive blog about adoption - something that showed others that adoption can have as many ups as it does downs.

It was a response to, what I felt, was the plethora of negative adoption stories that were in the press at the time and with gay adopters still being viewed with suspicion I wanted to help alleviate those fears as well.

Looking back over the past couple of years, I've realised that my blog has, unintentionally, become as dark as some of the others I was originally critical of.

I'm not going to apologise for that, or to undermine everything I have written. Yes there have been difficulties but, at the same time, I hope that I have been open and honest. Adoption is difficult but it is also incredibly rewarding and every now and then we have to stop and remind ourselves of that - otherwise we simply get caught up in the negativity of it all.

Both our boys are now in separate schools and both seem to be happy. I wouldn't say flourishing just yet - but I'll take happy.

KC just had his first report from his new school yesterday and it was pretty much all good - which considering his previous reports is astounding. They like him and he likes them - that has to be a bonus. No reports of fighting, swearing, language issues - nothing. Just positive reports.

Although this week I did have to tell him that he had a careers advice session (as options are coming up) and his reply was, "What do I need advice for - I'm never going to go there..."

It took me a while to realise that he thought I had said Korea - which did make us laugh.

But he went for the meeting and came out feeling very positive about himself - apparently he is an 'Eagle' - like Barack Obama or that lady who presents 'Bake Off', he said - a strange mix and I'm not sure what that shows us about his personality, but he liked it - so all good.

TJ has settled in really well to his specialist school - I wouldn't say he is 'happy' but he isn't complaining and, more importantly, he goes every morning without any upset - which I think for a child with his view on the world is a positive. No school refusal anymore. I was never sure about labelling him as being on the spectrum - but just having the label, alongside the FAS, has opened so many doors for him - and hopefully, we can try to get some insight into how his mind works... eventually anyway.

I thought about things and what really struck home is how much easier parenting an adopted child is when you have the right educational support in place. Yes, its been a struggle and it has resulted in my leaving work and a huge upheaval in our lives - but - the boys are settled, happy and learning. All we can hope is that by highlighting the positives that support can bring, we can show those 'in the know' that there can be a successful outcome to their investments (after all, it's all about the money!)

I hope that in the next few months I'll be able to document the positive direction this adoption journey has taken and will continue to take.