Sunday, 20 November 2016


I'm sure that there are many parents, particularly adoptive ones, who notice that as soon their little ones arrive that they begin to put on a small amount of weight.
My own narrative of my ever expanding waistline has given me many opportunities to write - usually with great comic abandon - after all, if we can't laugh at ourselves then...
But this week i really had to bite my own tongue as the lovely lady who runs the Friends group at our boys' school asked me if I would do the honour of being the school Santa this year - apparently they have a costume that will fit!
At first I was a little offended but soon took it in my stride. After all, I have been Santa before, but that was in Singapore where my main casting quality for the role was that I was caucasian rather than obese. There people laughed and said what a scrawny Santa I was - something tells me that won't happen this year.
Anyway, once I had accepted the situation I came home and asked my youngest if he wanted to go and see Santa at the school fair on Sunday.
He looked at me and laughed ( at first I thought he was going to tell me he didn't believe anymore) but no it was far worse...
"Don't be silly, Daddy," he said, "it's not the real Santa, it's just the fattest, stupidest teacher in school dressed up!"
I was gutted.
The my eldest son popped up. 'I think Daddy,' he said, ' That my Christmas list this year will just be one big thing that I want - obviously if 'Santa' is real then he will get me that one big thing - if not - well, I may have to break the news to TJ...'
So my youngest son sees me as a fat, stupid elf and my eldest sees the ability to blackmail based on the existence of said overweight elf
Needless to say that as soon as I told Papa about the entire episode I was placed on a very strict diet - no processed foods, reduced sugar, no alcohol (except at weekends - and then slimline) I negotiated that last bit...
It will soon be Christmas!