Santa!!!!!

I'm sure that there are many parents, particularly adoptive ones, who notice that as soon their little ones arrive that they begin to put on a small amount of weight.
My own narrative of my ever expanding waistline has given me many opportunities to write - usually with great comic abandon - after all, if we can't laugh at ourselves then...
But this week i really had to bite my own tongue as the lovely lady who runs the Friends group at our boys' school asked me if I would do the honour of being the school Santa this year - apparently they have a costume that will fit!
At first I was a little offended but soon took it in my stride. After all, I have been Santa before, but that was in Singapore where my main casting quality for the role was that I was caucasian rather than obese. There people laughed and said what a scrawny Santa I was - something tells me that won't happen this year.
Anyway, once I had accepted the situation I came home and asked my youngest if he wanted to go and see Santa at the school fair on Sunday.
He looked at me and laughed ( at first I thought he was going to tell me he didn't believe anymore) but no it was far worse...
"Don't be silly, Daddy," he said, "it's not the real Santa, it's just the fattest, stupidest teacher in school dressed up!"
I was gutted.
The my eldest son popped up. 'I think Daddy,' he said, ' That my Christmas list this year will just be one big thing that I want - obviously if 'Santa' is real then he will get me that one big thing - if not - well, I may have to break the news to TJ...'
So my youngest son sees me as a fat, stupid elf and my eldest sees the ability to blackmail based on the existence of said overweight elf
Needless to say that as soon as I told Papa about the entire episode I was placed on a very strict diet - no processed foods, reduced sugar, no alcohol (except at weekends - and then slimline) I negotiated that last bit...
Still...
It will soon be Christmas!

Christmas Cheers!

The problem with Christmas is that it seems to take ages to get here and then suddenly everything seems to happen at once - and at the same time! (not unlike the storm bomb that the UK is currently experiencing - such a great phrase, 'storm bomb' - it makes great headlines!)

Well, we are currently experiencing a Christmas bomb - I'm not sure how we are managing to fit everything in - in fact, sometimes I don't actually know which event I'm attending. I'm guessing this is how members of the royal family must feel - hurriedly moving from one mind numbingly boring event to the next, making small talk and shaking hands whilst simultaneously wondering if they remembered to set the Sky plus to record 'Casualty' - or perhaps thats just me.

Whilst having the boys in two separate schools has made life so much more bearable in many ways, it's at this time of year that it becomes manic. We have two of everything to attend - carol services, Christmas Fayres (both spelt with in a jaunty medievial fashion - in fact they both pretty much had exactly the same things on offer, although the posh school's one priced everything at double the state school.)

Actually, one really nice thing is that this has been the first year since the boys came to us that they both seem completely immersed in the whole Christmas experience. They wrote proper full-on 'lists' to Father Christmas - completely selfishly asking for everything they have ever seen on telelvision -and then adding a few more. Previously, we have taken a peek at their lists only to find them having barely anything on them - and never anything of value - as if they weren't worthy of asking for nice things. Last year KC asked for stuff for the pets as he 'didn't need anything'.

So I was heartened to see the 'full on' list.

I know it's hard, and I am in no way knocking foster carers, who do an amazing job, but Christmas must be so difficult when you have children in care living with you alongside your own family. For the boys they had an 'allowance' of £20 each from social services for the foster carrer to buy them a Christmas gift - they were with their final carers for 2 Christmases, and I know their foster carer bought more for them - but it can't be the same sitting with another family on Christmas morning and knowing, deep down, that you are not really a part of it. And I'm sure that the boys must have missed their birth families at that time - perhaps they still do, or rather they miss a memory of what they think it was like - fuelled by television shows. I do know that KC is very wary of people being drunk at this time of year.

However, I found out that TJ ripped his list up and decided to change it. He has decided only to put on the things he wants the most - so Santa will get him the right toy (a Nintendo 3DS). I know this because he told the hairdresser last night whilst he was having his hair cut. It was the first I had heard of it - luckily Santa is able to fulfil that wish.

KC, on the other hand, is on the cusp of 'getting it'. I think his list this year is a test - seeing just how much loot he can get if he 'still believes'. He has just turned 10 now - so he has already decided he is too old to actually see Santa, but he has agreed to go with his younger brother.

We put the Christmas tree up this week and as we did so I pulled out all the things they had made over the past few years. KC took one look and demanded that everything he had made be taken down as it was 'rubbish'. I know this is how he views himself. So I insisted that everything went on, despite his mumblings that he hated me, and a little later I spot him out of the corner of my eye just looking at everything he has made.

He is in a funny place - Christmas does that...

But tonight I shall be attending his end of term drama club play (he is worried he might have stage fright - he's a reindeer - but I've told him it doesn't matter, I'll be there anyway and I shall clap really loudly for him) and then we race straight over to the cathedral for KC's carol service - he is still angry that I signed him up to be in the choir, although he loves singing he didn't want to do it in front of everyone.. because, (yes you've guessed it) he's 'rubbish'. I've told him it doesn't matter I shall sing much louder than him anyway.

And where is Papa this evening whilst I am running from place to place? At his works Christmas party!!!! I miss those - actually going out to meet people and drink and have fun - and not talk about exam results or little Lucy's ballet classes (she's doing ever so well...)

Oh well - I'd better start practising 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful' - something tells me I'll be belting it out a few times in the next week or so!

And just as we get school out of the way my mother will arrive - with her ASBO dog! (I've booked the cat into a cattery already - at least he will have a peaceful Christmas...

If Santa is real then....

I sat this morning with both boys as they asked and answered so many questions about Mr Claus.

Last night we took them to see the big man at a local shopping centre.. it was crazy. We pre-booked, (£5 a child) which was lucky as Santa was totally sold out by the time we got there, and we joined the queue at the appropriate time - along with at least a dozen other people who had also booked for the same 15minute time slot. Admittedly, we have been a bit spoiled as we have always taken the boys to Lapland UK (which is fantastic) but this year - due to so many birthdays and the financial constraints caused by tenants not being bothered to pay their rent (don't get me started) - we opted to take the boys to the theatre on their birthdays and a cheaper Santa trip. Anyway, as we stood in the ever filling Santa waiting pen - complete with moving penguins - we soon realised that the boys were not going to have as much time with the big man as they are used to.

It came to our turn and we ran in - I'm not kidding you the 'elf' made us all run in shouting 'Come on Daddy', as I puffed behind. We then stood for a photo and the boys told Santa what they wanted for Christmas - TJ wanted football kits and the Sprog suddenly asked for a James Bond Gun (what!!!) - with that Santa handed the boys their age appropriate gift and we were ushered out into the photo collection area - where I spent another £15 on pictures. Papa stood there - still out of breath... "I came home early for this!" he exclaimed - he wasn't happy - so he took the boys on the big snow slides nearby to make up for it - another £3 a go.

The boys opened their gifts as soon as they got outside. Sprog had a brilliant book on dinosaurs - which he loved. TJ eagerly opened his package to find an activity book aimed at toddlers - the poor boy, because he is so small for his age Santa obviously pulled a present from the younger sack. TJ looked set to cry - 'Why did Santa give me a baby present?" he sobbed.

The Sprog then did a completely lovely thing - he turned to TJ and said, "I don't really like dinosaurs (which is a lie) - why don't you have my book and I'll have yours." I have never been prouder as TJ skipped off clutching the dinosaur book and Sprog walked around quite proudly carrying a 'Tree Fu Tom' activity book.

As we left the Sprog said to me, "I know that's not the real Santa - he employs lots of them to work in shopping centres - the real Santa lives in Lapland and my friend from school went to see him last weekend - So can we see the real Santa next year and not a crummy shop one?"

I spent last night pricing trips to Lapland. Its not cheap but it may well be the last year that the Sprog buys into the whole thing.

Then this morning the boys were discussing the 'reality' that is Santa. The Sprog said, "If Santa drinks a glass of sherry at every house he visits then why isn't he in prison for drunk driving?" to which TJ replied, "Because the police can't catch his sleigh."

Their sense of logic amazes me.

Then, "We don't have a chimney - how will Santa get in?" said Sprog, "We have a magic key!" said TJ , he then thought about this, "But if we leave the key outside for him then any robber could use it as well."

I don't think either child will be sleeping this Chrsitmas Eve. Although I'm pretty sure that TJ will now have a baseball bat under his bed in case  'robber' uses the magic key.

"Its ok," I said, "I usually wait up for Father Christmas, I'll make sure he locks the door after him."

"That's good," said TJ," But don't let Granny drink his sherry!"

Visiting Father Christmas...

What a lovely weekend.

We had arranged to go to Lapland with our very dear friends and their children - not the real Lapland, but Lapland UK - which is just outside of Tunbridge Wells in Kent. Not quite as exotic but every bit as magical.

We were hurrying out of our drive - all packed in with Christmas music on the stereo. I reversed out of our drive and suddenly heard a 'crunch'. "What was that?" Papa exclaimed. My heart sank. In our excitement to get out I had failed to notice the car parked over the road from me and had gone straight into the side of a blue Ford Focus. We got out to inspect the damage. Luckily there wasn't even a scratch on our car. Then I turned to look at the Ford. The area above the wheel had just crumpled. I stared at it. Then the evil little voice inside my head said 'No-one saw - jump in and drive off." I was about to listen to my good little voice who would probably contradict this argumment when a real little voice piped up from the backseats, "That's my teacher's car." I turned slowly to look at TJ. "It is," he said, "that's Mrs P's car - she parked there earlier - I saw her and waved." We were caught red handed. I couldn't even contemplate doing a runner now (not that I would have I hasten to add - it was just a momentary blip). So I called TJ's teacher - who I work with on the PTA. She came down to see me. Luckily she was very good about it and more surprised about the amount of damage done to her car and none to mine. But we exchanged details and left with a clear consicence and our heads held high... whilst Papa complained about our losing our no claims bonus now...

Off to Lapland!!!!!

It was fantastic - the children all made teddy bears with the elves and then gingerbread men with mother Christmas before we were given free time to explore the 'Winter Wonderland' - which included ice skating, writing and posting letters at Santa's post office and eating very expensive sausages before going round the gift shop to spend our elf 'jingles' - real money isn't used in Lapland - oddly enough all major credit cards are accepted though. Either way the kids were all massively hyped up to see the big man. We were collected by our elf guide and led through the winding, snow covered forest where the elf taught the children how to listen to the trees to find out which road took us to Santa. They turned up at Father Christmas's log cabin and in they went to see him. Both KC and TJ went last year - but this year we are repeating everything as last year they just didn't know how to deal with Christmas at all. All of our customs were new to them. As TJ exclaimed when he saw the Christmas tree - 'It's the same decorations as last year!' At first I thought he was disappointed but then I realised in his short life he had already been to many houses for different Christmas's. Of course we have moved house as well this year - so it was reassuring for him to see that although we had moved our Christmas would still be the same and Santa would still visit.

The children each sat down next to Father Christmas and told him what they wanted. 'Just one thing.' Father Christmas (one of the best I have seen) wisely said before the boys gave him a list. KC opted for a toy elf - which luckily arrived last week from the USA whilst TJ asked for a new Arsenal kit - which Granny has already got him. Then he added 'with a number 12 on the back!' "Of course I can do that!' Santa exclaimed. I looked at Papa. in TJ's letter to Santa he said a kit with a number 11 on the back - what was this sudden change to 12 about. Bugger! And Mum has already bought the kit. We spent most of the way home 'bigging up' the number 11... Now Papa and I will have to find out who number 11 actually is! Unfortunately, I have taken a little bit of a shine to the football player who is No 12 and encouraged TJ to put some lovely posters of the rather good looking chap on his wall - so it maybe that I am to blame - just don't tell Papa!!!!!!!!

They came home clutching the toy huskies Santa had given them exhausted but incredibly happy.. I think this is probably KC's final year of truly believing - and not just faking it to make sure he gets his haul of presents... and it was lovely to watch his face light up - especially when he looked at Santa's Good List to see how Santa knew so much about him - to see that the book had no writing on it at all - just magic writing only Santa could read. An excellent touch and how Santa knew all that information about the kids I do not know... well, I do but the children don't!!!!!!!

Christmas Fayre

Yes, the plans are under way for this years' PTA Christmas Fayre. I love it when we spell things in an Olde Englishe Stylee - although it always reminds me of American 'Tudor' themed restaurants!

I, as an active member of the PTA committee, have bee designated to run the 'reindeer' magic food stall as you know and today the preparations are getting into full swing. My friend is going to help run it with me and we have both been told to dress up. I am not one for dressing up - but she is! She keeps sending me pictures of 'sexy' Mrs Santa outfits to see if I approve - I dont think I am possibly the right person to give an opinion - but needless to say if she wears any of them then the queues of children accompanied by their eager Dad's will run around the building.

KC intercepted my phone as a message came in. 'Daddy,' he said, 'There's a picture of a lady elf on your phone.' I went white - but yes, there it was in full iphone colour - a catalogue picture of a sexy lady in black fishnets and a skimpy 'santa' outfit. I put the phone down thinking that it could have been much worse.

The phone pinged again - indicating another message. KC ran to get it. 'Now the elf is sending a picture of its shoes!' he said excitedly. The shoes that my friend wants to wear with the afore mentioned outfit. So now my eldest believes that we will be visited by a skantily clad, Mrs Claus in high heel fur lined sparkly shoes on Christmas Eve - I think I'll let Papa sort that one out. He has a much better figure than me!

My outfit was also being discussed - a huge turkey?...  a penguin?... or everyone's favourite... a rudolf the reindeer 'mankini'... It amazes me that the teachers at school find time to do any teaching - they seem to be always on the internet looking at dodgy costumes... Its a great school!!!!!!

I think the image of me in a mankini, with or without the red nose, would be enough to close the fayre and probably land us with a huge law suit! I'm going with the penguin!