Monday, 27 August 2012

Bluewater on a Bank Holiday... We Must Be Bonkers!!!

This morning I went through all the children's clothes and stuff ready for the imminent return to school next week... (seven days and counting)... And discovered that I was short of a few items. As we had the cleaner in this afternoon, a tiny, energetic and slightly barking Turkish woman who loves to clean
while listening  to loud Europop music, I decided we should head out. To be fair, I usually make myself scarce when the cleaner is in, not that she is not lovely, it's just the music I could do without. Anyhow, we packed the kids into the car with promises of 'time on the wii' when they came back if they were good and we headed off to the living hell that is Bluewater on a Bank Holiday. For those of you who don't know, Bluewater is one of the UKs largest shopping centres and  I spend a lot of time there.... Much to Papas annoyance!!!!

Well, we arrived and headed straight to the school department of John Lewis in order to get the nasty crowded stuff out of the way. It was all going so well when Papa decided he needed to use the 'facilities' and left me with two monsters... I'm not sure what happens when the kids realise there is only one of us watching them, but it's not pleasant. A little earlier I had seen an American lady admonishing her children in the corridor loudly and with obvious venom - a couple of years ago I would have judged her, not now, now I sympathise. However, any sympathy I had was was short lived when I heard a huge crash behind me in the packed children's section of middle England's favourite store. The entire rail of kids winter coats had come crashing to the floor around two stunned little children who had been innocently playing 'soldiers' within the confines of the clothes rack.... I went ballistic and forgot I was in a public place... "Look what you have done!' I cried, it was very important to notify those around me that a; these were  my kids and b; that it wasn't me that knocked everything down. TJ started to cry, the mere sight of his tears ensured my immediate transformation into my Mother... "if you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about!" I told him... I felt a thousand parental eyes suddenly turn on me all waiting to see what my next course of action would be. Realising I was in John Lewis and not the local Poundshop, I quickly regained my composure and said firmly but fairly, "and there will be no wii for you later!" I turned to my growing audience to prove that I too was as middle class as they were and I would never reprimand  my children using violence ,well, not in public anyway. Unfortunately, the removal of wii privileges had exactly the opposite effect on the kids and both of them immediately started to bawl even louder, it was as if I had just taken a cane to them in the aisle.... Papa called on the phone, "where are you?" he asked, "I'm upstairs looking at sofas, do you want to come up?" I glared into the phone, "You come here now," I hissed, " I need moral support." luckily, Papa grasped the enormity of the situation  and was by my side and dealing with screaming children in two minutes... I must have looked stressed as he even paid the bill, normally school affiliated items come under my financial domain but today Papas credit card took the hammering.... And boy are school uniforms expensive!

It took us four hours but we finally got everything done and as a treat, we took the children to the Disney store to get their pencil cases and stationary... It might be a treat, but at least it's useful!!!! ( I thought I had better include that last bit just in case anyone from social services is reading... Or even worse, someone from John Lewis!)...

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