New Year - Different Issues....

We've had a strange couple of months - filled with life's ups and downs.

KC's birthday came and went - he didn't want to invite any friends, no fuss, just a family dinner and a trip to the movies. At first I thought that was sweet but now I realise there is an ulterior motive. Essentially KC doesn't want any of his new mates at school to know he has two Dads and an autistic brother. I'm not quite sure how to deal with that yet - but I think the first step will be to sit him down and talk to him about it.

My fears were confirmed at his first parent's evening at school, which I attended a couple of days ago.  Papa is currently away in India for work so I was the only one able to go - KC seemed happy about this and when I was chatting to his form teacher she told me that KC had told her that if we both attended that she was to refer to us by our names not as KC's parents. Whilst she was trying to encourage him to be more honest with his peers she also understood that he didn't want to be seen as being different.

When it was TJ's birthday straight after Christmas (naturally, let's make sure December is as expensive a month as we possibly can!!!!!) TJ decided he didn't want KC at his bowling party - I say party - he only had one friend, but that was all he wanted and he didn't want KC there. However, KC was happy to oblige. I was a little surprised that he didn't want to come but then I realised it was because he didn't want to be spotted at the bowling alley with us all.

It's a quandary.

At the moment I'm not making a fuss about it. I think I'll have a chat with him and let him know that I've noticed whats going on and that other people are noticing too - maybe remind him that in this world of social media that people will find out eventually and what will his response be then - he can't deny us forever.

Still, TJ had a lovely time bowling with his friend. Luckily his friend doesn't care if he wins or loses, he was just having a great time - TJ on the other hand has to win - so it was a match made in heaven and both boys left happy. We then met KC in a local pizza restaurant where we had a corner booth and KC could hide if he saw anyone he knew - luckily TJ didn't notice or care - he just likes pizza!

On a positive note, KC's parent's evening went really well. The teacher's love him. No issues so far. Looking ahead at options, we agreed he wasn't academic in nature, but he excelled at PE, Art and Music - especially the drums, which his music teacher is encouraging. But, most importantly, he is happy. I'm hoping once he has settled he may be more open with his friends - maybe.

It's TJ's parents evening next - I asked him today what he told his friends at school about his family. He just shrugged and said, 'I don't care what people think - it not their business' - there's a lot to be said for seeing the world differently and more importantly, being surrounded by those who have a similar outlook...

On a professional note - my lovely editor has nearly finished working on my first book - so hopefully, it will go back to my agent soon and be back before the publishing houses again early next month.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!

Change is in the Air

Firstly, I have to thank everyone who took the time to send us messages of love and support after my last blogpost (well more of an outpouring than a post). I'd like to say that we have managed to sort things out - we haven't... but there is light at the end of the tunnel - or at least a glimmer.

We are still waiting for the Local Authority to make a decision on TJ's EHC Plan - which could enable him to stay at his current school, or give him access to specialist environment but, in the event, that it doesn't go through then we have to look at other options. With KC still homeschooling to keep them both at home would be untenable.

But... I met with a lovely SENCo at a mainstream Secondary School - who was amazed that TJ didn't have an EHC but also accepted that in the current climate there is every chance he still won't get one (It's all about the money!) However, she advised us to keep appealing and whilst we waited she could offer TJ a place in a small class with a specialist curriculum. I thought I was going to cry...

She got it - she understood his needs and his diagnosis. I was relieved. Although she did mention another specialist school where she felt he would be better placed - but yet again, we need that golden bit of paper - the EHC!

Then as we were leaving she asked me what TJ's mum did - I smiled, 'He has two dads' " I replied.

She stopped, 'Oh we haven't had that here before - I hope the other children don't make it an issue..."

Suddenly I'm worried again...

Sigh...

So, our final decision is (if we don't get the EHC) to give this school a go whilst we appeal. If the appeal goes through - then great. If it doesn't and TJ hates this school then we can join the army of SEN parents and homeschool him in September when KC goes back to a specialist school.

it will be a tough few months - but at least we have a plan...

And if all that fails - here is our Go Fund Me page - any millionaires out there? (well, its worth a shot!)

https://www.gofundme.com/tj039s-school-fees


Update: I had barely pressed send when the potential new mainstream school's SENCo called - to say she had been thinking about things and now she was concerned that a mainstream school may not be suitable for TJ - she didn't want to take him on and then him have to move to specialist education in Key Stage 4 - when she expects him to really struggle... sigh...

New Year - new... well new everything!

So living on one wage is tough - really tough.

But my new year's resolution is to make this work - by this, I mean us as a family.

And that means budgeting - a lot!

So we have started tightening our belts - finding a monthly food budget and sticking to it.

It's the sticking to it bit that's the hardest and making sure you resist the temptation to 'pop down the Co-op' to get those little things that you really 'need' - but don't really need - if you get my drift.

So, I'm staying at home - still doing the home educating thing (which is a nightmare) but luckily the Local Authority have finally agreed to provide a tutor - who comes in for ten hours per week, which then gives me time to get things sorted out - although I can't leave the house as the tutor can't be left alone with KC, safeguarding... such fun...

I would have thought we would have KC placed in a special school by now - but we are still waiting for the powers that be to finalise decisions. Referrals have been made, reports issued but four months on he is still officially 'a child not in education'. But we keep smiling and keep plodding on.

He is desperate to go back to school - if only to meet other kids of the same age - its so hard for him, he wants to socialise but then gets it all wrong and ends up alone, or worse, blamed for everything that goes wrong - he's no angel, but its not always his fault.... is it?

Now we have been assigned a course in Non Violent Reaction (NVR) - apparently they are amazing and I'm quite looking forward to it. But now the boys are bigger they seem to be constantly trying to kill each other - the Christmas holidays seemed to go on forever. So we need more tools in our parenting box other than shouting and sending to the room to think about things - after all what kids actually goes to their room to think about things - I know I never did...

But TJ has gone back to school now - although we have a slight issue in that he is at a small private school - he couldn't cope with a large school and his issues aren't seen as 'major' enough to grant him a place in a special school - but budgeting means we may have to look at how we pay for his school. Luckily he gets some allowances from the government and we have applied for an adoption allowance for him - but I worry. Still it was our decision to place him there - not his. Am I whinging? I don't know - today seems like a stream of consciousness... The local authority have agreed to assess TJ for his EHC Plan (which KC already has) - which could then enable him to go to a specialist school as well - but then I wonder if its all worth it.

Maybe once KC is back in school I can attempt to find another job - even a part time one. What happened to all my career plans - the words back-burner spring to mind.

Adoption really does change your life forever.

I'm in a process of re-evaluation - which can't be a bad thing...

Ch...ch...ch...Changes...

Is it still cool to quote David Bowie song lyrics - probably not, but we have definitely been through a period of great change over the past few weeks.

KC changed school, we managed to get his new school named on the EHC Plan the day before he was due to start - it was as if I had spent the whole summer holiday trying to get hold of various different agencies, the local authority, the school, the virtual head, post adoption social workers...  and everyone was on holiday at different times then, the day before school restarts, wallop! They are all in at the same time and I spent a full day on the phone co-ordinating KC's start at his new school.

It had even reached a stage where I was seriously considering home schooling him - I had joined Facebook groups, taken advice from friends who home school and was setting up a mini classroom for him - I even quit my job (but that's another story). I told KC of my plan and he looked horrified - 'But, you'll make me learn stuff!' He exclaimed - "That's the point,' I replied.

Apparently school isn't about learning its about having fun and sitting in the classroom chatting - maybe the change of school was a good thing after all.

Anyway, the boys are now in different schools again, which was actually in line with their therapist's view anyway - although we hadn't planned it that way. Her feeling was that TJ would be more able to grow and become more resilient if he wasn't in his brother's shadow - plus, as their relationship was still quite a dysfunctional one, it may be a wise choice to allow them both to lead separate lives and then come back together after school to share experiences etc. I don't know if it will work - but I do know I now spend around 45 minutes on the school run twice daily!

But I don't regret leaving work at all - it has made me re-evaluate stuff - I know we are lucky to be able to afford to have me at home (even if it is just for a short while whilst we 'reset') I had forgotten how much adopted children in particular need you to be there for them - and how much stuff they were missing out on. So we shall see what happens next - ideally I can find something part time that allows me to get out and meet people.

But on thing is certain - I am now free to blog again and so I'll be looking at how to rework this existing blog to adapt to the boys growing up - they no longer want their lives put on line for all to share - unless, they have agreed it first! Which is fair enough I guess...

Watch this space!!!!!

Cyber-Bullying - the title says it all!

ŴSo this week our youngest was subjected to cyber bullying.

It's not something I've ever really experienced. Of course, as adoptive parents we are extra careful around social media and attend various lectures and training regarding it's use but this is the first time it has really hit home.

Essentially, we gave both boys mobile phones for Christmas - under the strict instructions that they were not allowed social media accounts - not only because most social media companies insist on a 13 year old age limit but also because we are aware of the dangers of their being approached not only by strangers but also by birth family members. Whilst we are cute happy to eventually look for birth parents, we want to do it when the children are ready and not when one of their 'do-good' friends decides to help them - although I can easily see that happening one day in the future.

Anyway, I came down to find TJ sitting on the stairs, holding his phone and crying. I knew something was amiss.

Eventually he gave me the phone and showed me what the other children in his class were saying to him via a text messaging group. It was awful. He was a cry baby - he cried when they poked and punched him in class - he ran away. He didn't play football he played 'face-plant' when they tripped him up. He was 'a gay' - a 'real gay' - just heaps of nasty stuff.

What worried us was not only the tone of the language used and the cruelty and cold calculated way in which they pursued him - but the threats of real physical violence to him.

Remember, TJ is very small for his age, he is on 'the spectrum (don't you hate that term) and is currently starting medical investigations to look into the reasons behind all this (see previous post on the visit to the Doctor).

So we reported it to the school and they naturally investigated everything fully.

I was called in and the headteacher explained all that had been going on. That the other boys in his class had all been watching YouTube videos about 'roasting' and decided to set up a chat group entitled 'Roasters' in which they would pick on a boy (in this case TJ) and proceed to roast him... Such fun. I'm sure Kenny Rogers never thought of this when he set up the chicken restaurant!

But what was most surprising was that at the end of it all, the headteacher told us that all the children who had been 'roasting' Tyler were at a party together and... this was the bit that stunned me... they were with their parents and yet the parents didn't know anything about it - it just goes to show that we all have to watch exactly what our kids are up to when they are on their mobile devices. If kids want to make mischief, they will find a way to do it.

Sometimes I wonder if I have become an over-protective helicopter parent, hovering around making sure my kids are completely safe. We can only do our best I guess.

I don't know.

Still TJ was happy to go to school and happy to leave his phone at home!!!!!

Adoptophobia

So the Christmas holidays are finally drawing to a close and we are all getting ready for going back to school.

The great joy of being a teacher in the same school as your children is that you share the same holidays - that's also the downside...

But, an issue when dealing with adopted children seems to be that other parents very quickly get to know that you are an adoptive parent and, what has surprised me the most, is the fear that some other people have about their children mixing with yours.

Let me explain.

Just before Christmas we had an incident at school - involving a few boys on the back of a bus using their phones to watch 'inappropriate material' - we all know what that means.

Luckily, my eldest didn't have his phone on him - my belief being that whilst he is on the bus he is ore likely to lose the phone and, if he is at school and I am at the same school then he can actually talk to his friends and, if he needs me, he can come and find me.

So the material was watched on another boy's phone and, yes, my son was involved. But, to be honest, I would put most of it down to curiosity and boys being boys. I was more angry that the school didn't seem to mind a bunch of boys heading off to rugby having their phones unsupervised. Luckily, since the incident, that has now been changed.

But, the upshot has been the way in which KC has been targeted by other parents - one in particular, who happily put pen to paper informing the school of the 'disgusting' behaviour of my son. Of course she may not just be put off by adoption but by same-sex parents - I can't comment really... Rather than claiming homophobia do we know claim adoptophobia?

So we are called in - no other parents were - and we were made to feel as though KC was a criminal, that because of his past experiences he was putting other, and I quote, 'hard working children's futures' at risk.

This was then all recorded and sent to us in a letter - which we received on the last day of term. The day on which I was having my hand shaken by the powers that be and wished a happy Christmas.

Needless to say the first week of the Christmas holiday was spent with arguments between myself and Papa, tears from KC - who felt he was being made the scapegoat because I was a teacher - and sleepless nights for me as I dealt with the polarising forces between keeping  a job I love and supporting my son.

Of course, there have been some parents who have been amazingly supportive and look out for our boys - but it only takes one to raise suspicion and immediately it is KC who bears the brunt. After all, it couldn't possibly be their child who is in the wrong.

Perhaps the problem is that we admit that our child has issues, has faults and we want him to learn from them, to accept that he is ultimately in control of his choices. Perhaps we should be like those parents who insist their child is innocent and then make the most noise - they seem to be the ones who are listened too. KC has an EHC Plan, which is great for getting learning support but also stigmatises him to certain parents.

But, KC has made amazing progress at school, he has good friends, we have a system that works for us - I won't let a couple of angry, ill-informed parents upset that - do I write to the governors, the local authority who issued the EHCP - it seems obvious that the powers that be in the school will simply pander to the loudest voices - or am i being paranoid? Who knows... ?

So we go back to school tomorrow - not sure of what will happen next.

I'll keep you informed... 

What a difference a month makes...

Can you believe a whole month has gone by since my last post, that's ridiculous!

I don't think I've ever gone so long without writing something but this month is seen a lot of changes in the Williams household. To begin with, I went back to work... What was supposed to be a part time job suddenly became full time at the start of the school term and so off I went one September morning with both boys, who are now in the same school, to work. I'm suddenly a teacher again... 

That seems wierd even to read... To work. I haven't 'worked' for nearly four years... Not including parenting, blogging or writing, of course. But now I am back in gainful employment and paying the tax man a monthly allowance.

My mum, Granny, has also been very ill and was hospitalised for over a month, I won't go into detail, but she is on the mend now. What was surprising was how much her sudden illness effected not only her life, but all of ours as well. The boys were distraught and I hadn't realised how much she meant to them, particularly to TJ who has had a bit of a 'glitch' behaviour wise. But that was to be expected, after all he has just started a new school and he wasn't best pleased when he heard I was going to work there as well. It wasn't the working that bothered him as much as the knowledge that there would be no one at home if he got sick... Or to make his dinner each evening. They are now on school lunches, with a sandwich or beans on toast for tea... Papa doesn't get home from work until around 7.30 and I'm not planning on spending my entire evening cooking for everyone like some one man canteen.

But we are now settling into a routine.

School has been interesting, I'm not sure if the kids have worked out our family dynamic yet, I even had one of my pupils tell me there were children in the junior school with two dads... She was very pleased to tell me about her school's diversity policy. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I already knew. I'll wait and see how long it takes them to work it out. Not that I'm hiding anything, when they ask me I will tell them. But I'm also not going to turn up to work in my best tiara (it's not part of the dress code).

So I shall let the blog go into a new direction.

Being a gay family that not only live together but also spend all day in school together. Let's see how they, the other children and even the teachers react to everything and how we adapt to this new, very open, life.

Another chapter of the blog begins... Who knows it may even become a sequel... Or a second debut... I'm not sure how that would work...

The Final Week....

A version of this appeared in last month's 'We Are Family' Magazine.

For most children the end of the school year can be an exciting time. The exams are over, usually by half term, and the final six weeks or so are focused on the ‘fun’ social aspect of schooling like sports days, the end of term concert and play within the classroom – dressing up days etc.

However, for some children, particularly for children with additional needs and for many adopted children, with the often overlooked additional need of attachment disorder, this period of term can also be a challenging one as the routines that they cling to in everyday life are suddenly removed.

Children who rely on routine can often become unsettled and this can lead to a disruption in their behaviour. The teacher can then be at a loss as to why the child is suddenly behaving like this, after all it’s supposed to be fun, right?

But for the child who has experienced a chaotic household in their early years routine offers a safety net and, in their eyes, ensures that the chaos they had experienced is in their past.

Our eldest son struggled terribly at the end of both the Summer and the Christmas Term. A normally well-behaved child suddenly became tearful or angry, or both, and I was constantly being called into school to comfort him or to take him home as he simply wasn’t coping. Of course, as we are same sex parents, the school were well aware that our sons are adopted and worked with us to try and ensure that the routine was kept as manageable as possible. Our son was given a list of things that would happen the next day on the day before as he left the classroom and we were then able to talk him through it. He held onto that piece of paper like Dumbo with his magic feather, even though he couldn’t possibly have read it as he suffers from severe dyslexia, which also makes his ability to remember what happens next in the day difficult as it is. If you then change that timetable after he has spent a term getting used to it, well, he simply went off the rails.

Eventually I sought help from the Post Adoption Centre, who were brilliant at helping me to deal with a number of the issues we were experiencing both at home and as school and I was surprised at how common the ‘End of Term Anxiety’, as they labeled, it was amongst adopted children.

And they highlighted a point, the idea of boundaries. If a child has experienced life without any clear boundaries and seen what that can cause, then that child comes to rely on those boundaries, as set by adoptive parents and the school, as a means of ensuring their own safety. We know that domestic abuse, alcohol and substance abuse all lead to children being ignored or left to parent themselves in a boundary free environment and, after adoption, we aim to create a safe environment with the necessary parental boundaries and once those carefully established boundaries are removed then the child goes into a state of fear – fear of not knowing what will happen next.

Family members are always amazed that even on holidays our children want to go to bed at a certain time, we’ve even been accused of being ‘too tough’ but I know that any deviation from our family routine can be problematic. Our younger son panics if his meals are any more than thirty minutes late – probably a throw back to times where he was left unfed for days and any deviance from our normal pattern can seriously effect him. However, we are lucky that his school understand that and never rush him at lunch time and on one occasion, even allowed him to eat his lunch with the kindergarten group so as not to upset his routine.

Hopefully, its something they will grow out of as they take more control of their own lives, hopefully!

Just because we think that coming off curriculum is fun we shouldn’t necessarily assume that it is the same for our children.

Politics in School

Handling issues at school is always tough - particularly when it concerns politics and what your child is exposed to.

I don't want to come across as too political but let me explain.

We live in an area that is about to have a by-election, thanks to the defection of our MP to UKIP and this has led to an explosion in political activism across the area.

We are called two to three times a day, either by opinion poll companies or the political parties themselves all trying to ascertain which way we are going to vote - Papa now tells them all he will vote for them, just to get them off the line. I tend to stay and chat - well, its nice to have a grown up to talk to during the day. I've had some lovely chats with some of the most unexpected people - then I tell them that they are wasting their time as I already know who I am voting for.

Just last week the man from UKIP called and KC answered. 'There's a man from You Kick (sic) on the phone and he wants to talk about his by erection,' KC shouted - I hid a smile and asked him to tell the man to hold on. I kept him there for a good ten minutes whilst I put away the washing and then hung up the phone. You can tell I'm not a fan.

Last week over on twitter there was a hash tag caption #Ask Nigel Farage and someone had placed the tweet '#AskNigelFarage if he saw a mixed race gay family with adopted white kids would he have a coronary?'. It made me smile - after all, we are that family. What didn't make me smile was the barrage of homophobic and racist abuse that came after it. 'The gay marriage bill can be overturned', 'these children can be taken back' etc - all sorts of really upsetting stuff - I don't do twitter a lot but this made my blood boil.

Then I went into school to do my voluntary work and whilst there I overheard the lunchtime staff chatting about the election - they were all of one mind - 'I'm voting UKIP cause there's too many bloody foreigners here." I may have paraphrased but that was completely the gist - you know the sort of thing. I couldn't keep quiet. "I'm sorry,' I said (I don't know why I began with an apology), "But my partner and TJ's dad is from overseas and I really don't want TJ hearing this kind of thing - would you mind keeping your opinions to yourselves?"

I hope I was that polite. I was met with dagger looks. "It's because of the foreigners that my husband can't get a job," I was told, quickly followed by, "the Labour and Tory government's just let anyone in, they don't care," and my personal favourite, "I'm not racist, I just don't think we should let any more of 'them' in."

I watched as the children filed by into the dining hall and realised I was not going to win this argument.

But as I watched the children I wondered not only about my own son with a Singaporean Papa - but also about those kids of any non-British ethnicity who ran the risk of overhearing such views - how did they feel? After all, whatever your politics children don't have any choice and I'm sorry - but using the word 'immigrant'  or 'foreigner' instead of more unpleasant terminology does not suddenly make racism or xenophobia ok.

In certain circles, UKIP is making both racism and homophobia acceptable (although I am sure they would deny it) and I don't believe that a primary school is a suitable place for this to be discussed. Especially not in front of my son.

Happy 'Gay' Dad's Day

I've only just calmed down enough to write this - although those of you who follow our adventures on Twitter have already heard most of this already.

I'll recap.

On Friday, after school, I went to collect my youngest son. TJ walked out of school and immediately we were surrounded by children asking me 'Where's TJ's mum?" and "What happened to TJ's mum?"

I was stunned, I wasn't sure what to say or what to do. TJ was distraught and just wanted to go home. I couldn't understand what was going on. I bundled TJ into the car and we left.

As we walked through the door I asked him what that was all about.

He reached into his bag and threw a card at me. A card in pink, shaped as a handbag with small butterflies and pom poms stuck to it. It looked very nice.

"A mother's day card?" I asked, "Did you make that for Granny?"

Every year the boys have celebrated Mothers Day by making cards and buying little gifts for my Mum, then we celebrate the later Mothers' Day, Singapore follows the American one, and the boys do the same for Papa's mum. Its a system that works for us. Until this year.

This year it had all gone wrong.

TJ told me to look inside the card. He was bit sheepish and obviously embarrassed to hand it to me. Inside it read: "Happy Dads Day."

Of course I accepted the sentiment and told TJ what a lovely card it was and then put it on display - ready for his brother to come home...

When things had calmed down I asked TJ if he wanted to make the card for me and Papa. "No', he replied, "I was making it for Granny but Miss said I had to make it for you - so (and this was the bit that really angered me) she told me that as I don't have a mum I couldn't say Happy Mothers Day, I had to write Happy Dads Day... in front of everyone."

He then burst into tears. "But I told her you wouldn't want a pink handbag?" he sobbed.

I was furious. Here was my little boy, coming to terms with being adopted, learning about different families being subjected to complete humiliation in front of his class mates - not to mention how it reflected on Papa and I, obviously all gay dads would love a pink handbag(?!?). I wouldn't have minded if TJ had wanted to make the card for us and had written "To Daddy and Papa on Mothers Day" - or something similar. But this was inexcusable.

Papa and I are adults, we've been called many names and we can put up with the little jokes and the knowing looks across the playground - but this? This was coming directly from school.

TJ went to his school disco and I immediately fired off an angry email to his head teacher.

Yesterday his head teacher grabbed me for a quick chat. Luckily she was incredibly apologetic and was investigating... but for us the damage has already been done.

TJ had a restless weekend and is bed wetting again. I can only keep re-assuring him that everything is ok. This just made me more angry with the teacher.

If the teacher was unsure then surely a simple phone call could have settled the issue.

Its a shame as TJ was beginning to love school - this has set him back but it wont break him. I'm sure it wasn't meant maliciously, at least I hope not, but I think someone needs a training day on what being inclusive and diverse actually means.

On the plus side we did talk about what we should say when people ask abut his family. Did he want me to say he was adopted - was I allowed to tell his friends.

He thought about it. "Yes," he said, "But only if they ask."

That's fine with me.

'Weighty' Issues...

As any stay at home parent knows the issue of weight is an ongoing battle.

In my previous life as an actor I was constantly being told to 'lose weight, stay thin and remember this is a weight conscious environment in which you are working' - that nugget was passed out by my then agent - whom I still love dearly, even though the last time they saw me they just smiled and said, "I see married life suits you..." single person code for "You're really fat!"

Then I gave all that up to have the boys. I stayed at home - well I couldn't possible earn the kind of money Papa does - not as a struggling actor - but I could teach part time, do a psychology degree and start writing again. Brilliant. But all of these activities seem to be mainly sedentary and when you add in two children the weight just seemed to pile on - literally!

I thought having kids would make me thin - everyone said to me, "You'll be exhausted chasing those two around every day," and they were right - it was exhausting. But suddenly I was spending my entire afternoon, from 4pm onwards cooking. Firstly I cook the boy's dinner - and then usually eat a little something with them and often end up eating half their leftovers as well - I was brought up in a house where waste was a sin. My Mum had a board game of Snakes and Ladders - which was a moral version... I kid you not - if you were good and ate all your dinner you got to go up a ladder - if you were bad and wasteful it was down a demon snake. So it's ingrained in me that waste = bad!

After that Papa would come home and do the boys' bedtime routine whilst I make dinner for the two of us - usually whilst opening a bottle of wine - "Well," I convinced myself, "I need it because I've had a hard day running around after two boys."

Then Papa and I eat, more wine is consumed and we then take the bottle into the sitting room where we consume the remainder. Now, upon the consumption of more wine in front of 'proper' TV, (anything that doesn't involve cartoon animals without pants), the idea of a family bag of Doritos suddenly seems like a good one - followed by a small piece of chocolate, well maybe a bar... and a bit of a biscuit before bed.

In the two years since the boys came I managed to put on 10kg (around 20lbs) - I have no idea what that is in stones.... but it's a lot and nothing fitted me anymore. But that was okay because I was a Dad now and didn't need to be glamorous anymore, the thought of trousers with an elasticated waistband was quickly becoming an attractive proposition.

Then at Christmas my eldest said, "When you came into school today my friend asked me why you were so fat - and I said, 'my Dad might be fat but he gives great cuddles'."

I was distraught - Papa told me to focus on the positive - on the 'gives great cuddles' line - I couldn't... I just heard the 'f' word.... Eventually Papa's sympathy ran out and he just said, "Right for your birthday I'm buying you a gym membership."

I was a bit shocked by that but reluctantly agreed - well, I had asked for it.

Anyway, I decided to give up the booze in January - and signed up to the Cancer Reasearch Dryathalon. Which I did! Then I went to the gym and signed up with a trainer from hell - a small American lady who seems unable to talk in an 'indoor voice' (A term I use a lot with two small boys) - but she makes me run - one day I will get away from her but the damn treadmill keeps bringing me back! Personally, I think the reason she is so thin is because she spends her day exercising her vocal muscles at a pitch known only to Mariah Carey and some small dogs.

Then today, after nearly 6 weeks, I weighed myself.

Yes, I do the trick of moving the scales around the bathroom to find the tile upon which I am obviously lighter - but today I didn't need to.. Today the scales informed me that I have lost a total of 5kg!!!!

I am over the moon and will be wearing my best 'Dafydd the only gay in the village' pink rubber tube top and matching hot pants when I go and collect the boys from school later - then KC's friends can see just how much weight I've lost - although my son may never speak to me again let alone ask for cuddles!!!!

The Wrong Kind of Ham...

So I have been called into school. Apparently, I have been forcing my child to eat food that he hates - in this case ham.

Now, TJ loves ham - it's pretty much the only meat he will eat - he is a vegetarian otherwise, loves his salad and vegetables - I'm not complaining about that but as TJ 'sees the world differently' then he also insists on having the same lunch on a daily basis. We have set up the routine for him and he sticks to it. So I was quite surprised when I was informed that TJ had decided to have a huge temper tantrum in the middle of the school dining hall and in a fit of rage throw his half eaten ham sandwich at the dinner lady - who at the time was trying to coax him into eating it.

Great!

So the dinner lady 'told on him' - his words not mine - and I was duly called in.

I thought they would be telling me how they would be disciplining TJ, what consequences he would have for being so unruly and downright rude... Nope. They were bringing me in to ask that I only give him food that he likes as they need to ensure that he eats an adequate lunch.

What?

I told them that if he doesn't eat his lunch that I lovingly prepare for him (complete with little notes saying how I am thinking of him - as the books tell us to) then he can go hungry - after all he gets home a little after 3 and has a snack then - a couple of hours won't kill him and maybe, just maybe, he'll think twice before throwing good food away. (I'm very traditional when it comes to wasting good food).

They asked me what he did like - I said chocolate spread and peanut butter - together - 'Well he can't have that in school - that's not nutritious" said the food police, "and we dont have peanuts in school in case another child has an allergy and sits near him." Hang on a minute - I just saw another kid munching a bloody Snickers bar in the playground!!!!

"The other thing he likes is ham,' I went on. This was met with a stony silence. So TJ was brought in. He looked at me sheepishly.

"Can you tell Daddy why you threw the sandwich at the lady?" asked the food police.
"I didn't like it." came the reply.
"But ham is your favourite," I said.
"Yes, but its the wrong kind of ham," he replied.

I had now heard everything.

"The wrong kind of ham? Can you explain that?" I asked - my tone was probably sounding a little harsh by now.

"Well,' (you always know you are going to get a long winded, roundabout answer when TJ starts with 'well.')

"Well, I like the ham with lions on the packet (the one sold in support of the armed forces that I think I have bought twice before, I'm pretty sure if any of the armed forces ate it they would return it as its mainly water and tastes foul) and this one didn't have lions on the packet." TJ told us.

There was a knowing nod from the food police. "So you didn't like the taste of this type of ham,' she said. I think my mouth may have fallen open and she bought this excuse hook, line and sinker. "Why didn't you like the taste," she went on.

"The taste was ok," TJ replied, "It just didn't have three lions on the packet."

I breathed in and counted - I didn't get as far as ten.

"TJ," I said (using that tone that all parents seem to develop - I've no idea where it came from), "TJ, can I just ask - where were your friends whilst you were eating?" TJ is a noticeably slow eater - its part of his syndrome.

"Oh they all ran outside to play football - but Miss said I had to eat my lunch first," came the reply. He then froze realising that just maybe he had given the game away.

"Right," I said, "So I have come into school because you would rather throw your lunch at the dinner lady and then cry because I gave you the wrong ham - all because you wanted to go out and play."

He nodded slowly.

"Ok," I said, "Well, I won't give you ham tomorrow  we can look at what else you can have tonight but you can go swimming with school and I'll see you afterwards - is that ok?"

He nodded.

The teacher smiled and all was well.

..........

A little later I went to collect him from school. "TJ didn't go swimming today," said the teacher - the same one as before, "He told us that you didn't pack his swimming trunks."

What!

"Yes, I did,"I replied indignantly, "I packed them with his towel last night."

I was now obviously the worst parent in the world - not only did I force feed my child processed meat products but I expected him to swim naked - I knew what she was thinking - perhaps we were a strange gay naturist family. At that point in time I was so cross that I nearly said that we were...

I looked down at our youngest son.

"I asked you to check your bag this morning, did you?"

"Yes," he said, "Only I took my trunks out."

The swimming police teacher nodded knowingly (which made me want to punch her - I didn't - I just smiled)

"Why?" I asked simply.

"I didn't want to wear my blue ones," he replied.

I was about to say something when I realised that he only has blue ones.

I knew this argument was going nowhere so I simply smiled. took his hand and said, "Come on lets go home."

He smiled back and said, "Daddy, can I have ham sandwiches for tea."

I nearly threw them at him!

Tom Daley, kids and school...

So Tom Daley has announced that he was in a relationship with another man yesterday. Good on him.

I have to be honest in saying that I was a little cynical - my belief was that Tom's confession was probably precipitated by a newspaper threat to out him - the youtube clip just seemed too well planned for me, mentioning  his book and tv documentary and his previous denials of being gay, plus throwing in a couple of mentions about his late father and bullying to ensure we were all completely sympathetic to his cause - it smacked of a publicity writer's hand (I know a few - no offence guys!). I also doubted whether or not this should have been 'Headline' news as shouted by the BBC lunchtime newsteam.

But.. I had a long conversation with some old friends via the social media site that is Facebook and soon came round to seeing that, despite all my own personal misgivings, Tom's 'outing' may actually be a good thing for young people everywhere and that regardless of the whys and hows of this story anything that brings these issues up in front of young people has to be a good thing.

A friend, who teaches at a post 16 college, pointed out that the performing arts centre is next to the sports hall and the level of abuse hurled by the sporting types to the performing arts students is horrendous. Another friend of mine has a teenage son who has also recently come out and her and her families acceptance of him and his partner has been humbling. My own mother flipped when as a teenager I even broached the subject of being gay and my own coming out story is long and protracted and ended up becoming incredibly public - albeit on a much smaller scale and in a foreign country, so I do sympathise with Tom about having your private life interfered with by the press - but this is not about me its about the boys.

In a blogpost I wrote last year, regarding IDAHO and school (incidentally the blog post that went a bit bonkers worldwide) I commented on how homophobia needs to be addressed at primary school level in order to avoid the very attitudes my friend is facing in his post 16 college. I hoped that had finally been addressed in the boy's school.

It hasn't.

Newsround, the BBC's news programme aimed specifically at children, ran a very sympathetic piece on Tom Daley - I was quite surprised that they did, but it was well done and it meant that the boys were able to understand and talk about what Tom had been through.

The Sprog is so much more open than his younger brother - he now attends a small independant school and everyone knows everyone else - they are very open and the Sprog is able to talk freely about his home life, being adopted, having two dads - all of that is run of the mill there.

TJ is still at the local primary and his friends are all members of the 'football' crowd - who are in real danger of turning into the post 16 crowd mentioned above.

As soon as TJ saw the story on TV he said; "Tom Daley is gay - that's gross." Those of you that read the article last year will remember that he said something similar then and we ended up in a long conversation about how Daddy and Papa are gay, two of his Godfathers are gay, we have gay friends - are they all 'gross'? But TJ still doesn't put the language of the school playground into context with his own life - and this is where school is at fault.

I have stood in school and heard children banding about the term 'gay' as if it means nothing more than 'rubbish'. I even heard a teacher telling a child, 'Please don't use that word - you know its not politically correct." She then looked over at me and nodded as if to say, 'See I told him off didn't I". Well, no actually you have given him permission to use it whenever he likes. I made the point that schools wouldn't allow racist langauge in school so why do they allow homophobic 'banter' - a point that the headteacher told me she 'took very seriously'. A point that the local council's anti bullying co-ordinator told me she 'took very seriously'... if everyone is taking my point very seriously then why don't they do anything about it.

So to Tom Daley, I say well done for 'coming out' - I'll keep that in inverted commas - but equally well done for raising this issue among young people - I could never have imagined even a few years ago that I would be sitting and listening to a 7 and 8 year old have a full on argument about whether being gay is gross or not.

I won't repeat what I said before but I will say here is still a lot of work to be done - especially in primary schools and if Tom Daley's story can kick start that then I take my hat off to him!!!!

A Fear of Christmas...

Our youngest is beginning to panic...

He doesn't like Christmas. He just can't deal with it. It doesn't help that his birthday is also around the festive season.

School have told me he is becoming emotional and needy, crying all the time one minute then shouting the next. This morning I went in to find that he had been up most of the night eating blu tac... I know that as his posters simply fall off the wall. This is a sure sign that he is 'in a dark place.'

This is a throwback to his early days with us - where he would eat wall paper, blu tac - anything really that could fill the 'gap in his tummy' when he is lonely.

He isn't hungry, but he can't tell you why he needs to do this.

I sat him down this morning and we chatted about it before school. He sat in my lap, almost like a baby, and just lay there while we talked about Christmas and birthdays and... mummy... did I know she didn't feed him?

He has so few memories of his mum (I won't give herr the honour of having a capital letter), at least that's what we thought - but one thing he obviously does recall is the hunger - the hunger that led him and his brother to eat whatever was at hand.

I wonder if much of their time spent locked in a room was over the festive period - whilst the birth parents were out getting drunk and celebrating - their kids were locked in a room and forgotten about.

Its hard for school and other families to understand - after all, what child doesn't like Christmas and birthdays?.. But for TJ and the Sprog they are not associated with memories of fun and laughter... they are associated with drunkeness, domestic violence, starvation and being forgotten about - no wonder TJ dreads seeing the trees go up in shops or doesn't want to talk about 'what he wants for Christmas'.

The Sprog is coming through it - interesingly though he won't tell me anything that he wants as presents - but for him I think that is because that he simply doesn't think he is worth buying presents for - self esteem is such a big issue for him.

I don't want us to dread Christmas, as I know a lot of adoptive parents do from the various chat rooms etc, I want us to build our own traditions - so if our tree goes up later than everyone else's, or we don't make a huge fuss over toys and stuff then its not that we are being mean parents - we are just re-introducing Christmas to our children in a gentle way - so they can learn to love Christmas and know that it is a time of love and joy - not a time to fear....

Telephones and Toilets

What it is with children and telephones?

Our youngest son, TJ, hates talking on the thing. To get him to chat to Granny takes an age and when he finally says something it usually takes two minutes and he is handing the phone back to me.

So yesterday, I popped into the littlest room in the house (not the kitchen cupboard) leaving TJ in the next room watching TV. I had no sooner sat down than the phone began to ring.

Great!

We have an answer phone so I thought it best to leave it and if it was important I could call them back.

But no.

Today was the day that TJ decided he would answer the phone. I heard the ringing stop abruptly and this little voice say, 'Hello - is that Granny?' - that shows how often anyone ever calls us on the landline.

It obviously wasn't Granny as the little man went on - "No, my Daddy isn't here - well, he is here, but he is on the toilet." (there are definately no secrets where kids are concerned.)

I now had to make the decision to either rush what I was doing or just leave it to TJ to sort it out. I opted for the latter.

TJ then went on to have a long conversation.

"No Daddy, could be a long time - he usually takes ages in the toilet - I can watch a whole Scooby Doo while he is in there." (What!!!!!!!!)

I was now hoping that this was someone trying to offer me a PPI insurance claim service or sell me a new kitchen.

TJ went on, "Papa says we can't go in there for ages after Daddy has been - Papa's poo smells of roses but Daddy's doesn't - thats what Papa says."

By now I was starting to laugh thinking of the poor PPI salesperson having to hear all this.

"I went in once after Daddy and I had to hold my nose - and I went it once after Papa and it didn't smell of roses to me. I don't have smelly poo but my big brother does."

There was then a silence and TJ said, "Ok, I'll tell him you will call back."

Definately a sales call I thought - if it was important they would have left a number.

So I finished what I was doing and took TJ over to collect his big brother from the school bus.

When I came back the phone rang again. I picked it up. "Hello," a lady said, "I called a few minutes ago and had a lovely chat with your son... this is Mrs Smith (our elder son's teacher) arranging next week's parent evening. Are you free to chat now?"

I could have died!

Next week is the Sprog's parent teacher evening and I will be meeting his new teachers for the first time... I am probably already the laughing stock of the staff room... Oh well - time it have a chat with the boys about telephone etiquette I guess.

Back to School - well for one!

So the Sprog went back to school this morning.

I was so pleased with myself. All of his homework had been done and was now in a lovely neat plastic presentation folder. His uniform had been washed and ironed until it looked like new, I had even cleaned out his school bag. His pe kit was cleaned, pressed and placed in a newly cleaned pe bag. The shoes were polished and buffed until I could see my face in them and the Sprog had a lovely new haircut.

He stood at the front door waiting for the school bus looking like a million dollars - until I looked at his neck - and saw nothing... "Where's your tie?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I can't find it." he said.

"What? Why did you wait until now to tell me?" I hollered. It was now nearly 7.30 and th bus was on its way.

"I thought you might be angry," he said.

"Well, I am angry now!" I shouted, "Quick, upstairs. We'll look for it together."

And here came the big shock - intead of the usual mess that greets me when I open the Sprogs door there was a vision of tidiness.

And that was the reason for the lost tie. Yesterday, Papa had told the Srpog to clean his room and the child had duly obeyed. Only his version of tidying meant simply picking everything up off the floor and pushing it behind cupboards, into the wardrobe, under the bed - wherever it would fit.

So we began 'untidying' everything.

Then the bus arrived.

Itook him out to it and explained what had happened and asked the driver if he coul let the school know that I would look for the tie today.

The driver looked at me, "Going back to school always comes round too quickly," he said. I could have hit him.

Instead I smiled and said, "Well, at least thats the onl thing thats missing today."

The driver smiled back - obviously pitying the poor disorganised parent that I now was.

Still I have TJ at home with me today - his teachers have yet another staff training day, so I have one more day of being unable to do anything except entertain the youngster. Still it will be quite fun and at the moment he is doing a jigsaw puzzle - in a moment we are going to play "Let's find the Sprog's tie" that will be a fun game!

Tidyness and Tardiness

The Sprog is upset with out cleaner. Her sin?

She has tidied his room! How dare she! Now he can't find anything... apparently. Although to be honest how the cleaner found her way into his room is beyond me, I could barely see the floor!

Out cleaner is lovely, barking mad but lovely. She is Turkish and as regular readers know has a love for popular european music. This has rubbed off onto our youngest and TJ now insists that we play the latest hit 'tune's and wants to know what the number one song is on a daily basis.

I don't mind but whenever he plays one of the latest tracks from the hit parade I immediately turn into my parents and go on about what rubbish this is. The Sprog on the other hand has rifled through my CD collection and has 'borrowed' all my Michael Jackson albums. And this was the root of his problem with the cleaner as she had tidied the albums up and put them back where they belong, on my CD shelf.

Still I prefer him listening to MJ than having to listen to 1D (as I now call them-  see I'm down with the kids!).

I also seemed to channel my parents this morning when TJ decided he really didn't want to hurry to school. He dawdled, he played with his feet, he carefully munched on every single sodding cornflake as I got more and more harrassed. Didn't he know we were going to be late.

As we finally headed out the door he stopped and said, "Daddy, I need a poo!"

"What?!" I screamed - "Why now, why wait until we are leaving?"

"I don't know," he shrugged.

So I stood outside the bathroom door hurrying him along.

He eventually came out and we left for school. Except he fancied a long slow walk admiring the trees and commenting on the lovely day as I was screaming "Come on!" and dragging an unwilling dog behind me.

We got to the school gate just as they closed.

"Great," I said, "Now we have to walk all the way round to the front of the school and I have to sign you in at reception with all the other 'shamed' parents."

Did TJ care... no he did not. "What will they do if I am late?" he said, "They won't do anything." and off he dawdled.

As he did so the gate keeper saw us and returned to open the gate. "You are lucky," she said to TJ, "I saw you just in time."

TJ skipped into school.

"Isn't there an incentive to get them in on  time," I asked "Don't they get a punishment if they are late?"

"No," she said, "So many of them are late now we'd be filling out forms all day." and she walked off.

Now I turned into my Dad who hated being late - how will future generations like my own kids understand about punctuality if no-one teaches it at school? No wonder TJ doesn't give a monkey's if he is late or not - why should he? As I said to Papa when he called later - "There should be no reason for him to have to get up at 5am and make the 90 minute commute into London - he should go when he feels like it... Oh wait, except he'd get fired!"

Now I shall have a cup of tea and piece of delicious banana bread - made by me!

40 thousand words

Its weird when you are asked to write what is effectively your life story.

I think I've had a pretty interesting life but the adoption journey is what everyone seems to be most fascinated by.

So I'm writing about the time before we got the boys at the moment.

The three years from initial enquiry to placement and the problems in between. I still cant beleive it took us so long.

It also brings up a lot of emotional memories, particularly when wiritng about the children that we didn't get. The ones whom we lost out on to other families or because of other issues.

I haven't even reached the point where we found our two yet - but its already an emotional piece - I think because I have to be open with myself in order to be open with the reader - and thats tough. My 'mentor' (to use an X factor euphemism) has told me I have to write from the heart, find my voice and then just let it flow - 40 thousand words in and I'm exhausted emotionally. Apparently, if I can make myself cry then I'm doing a good job - well I've sobbed today!

Papa can't quite see how tiring writing is - I just sit at a desk all day but I am sitting at a desk pouring out my heart and I'm knackered!

I thnk I need a holiday - plus I'm getting blisters on my little typing fingers... but despite that I'm loving writing. Loving it!

The boys have been great. Its been parent's evenings this week and I've been called into Sprog's school - mainly to talk about his incredible progress - he is actually writing! and spelling! and his maths is really good!

I am amazed. I know for some parents its a a case of 'so what?" but for Sprog its a real achievement. Yes, he is still a couple of years behind his peers in reading but for the first time I could actually read his writing. I'm still in a state of shock - he's only been there 4 weeks! What was really nice though was to be praised as a parent. The Head said he was thrilled to see that I was working with the school. Apparently a lot of parents don't feel they have to do much with their kids as they are paying such huge fees. But as I pointed out, we are paying the fees to get Sprog the one to one attention he was so desperately lacking in his state school - and that really seems to be paying off.

There was an issue of Sprog 'bigging himself up' to his classmates - we put it down to the fact that he only gets TV for an hour a night, after homework and doesn't have computer games or access to the internet, apart from his Easyread programme - which is doing wonders. I thought the Head was going to shake my hand off. Where I think I'm being mean he thinks I'm doing all the right things. I don't know - only time will tell. But the Sprog needs some time to learn how to interact with other children - he is great at chatting with adults but has problems working alongside his peers - thats fairly common for children who have been in care I'm told.

Luckily TJ doesn't really like TV and will happily play football all day... even in the rain, which means he has a stinking cold - which he is happily passing around the family.

Tonight its the turn of TJ, its his parents evening - something tells me I might be in for as big a shock there - I hope its a happy one, I don't want any more emotional turmoil - not today anyway!

The Mum Question... again!

So TJ asks me about his Mum again - only this time he waited until we were right outside the school gates before he decided to drop it into the conversation.

"Why do all the other children have a Mum?" he suddenly asked.

"You have got a Mum," I replied.

"No I haven't," he said, "I don't have a Mum."

Now after the last time this question was raised I have had a counselling session and one of the ways it was suggested to broach this was to encourage the idea that his birth mother 'didn't' look after him - rather than she 'wasn't able to look after him despite loving him very much' - which is social services preferred line. The argument now being played out is that as the children get older they should know that their birth family were perfectly capable of looking after them - they just didn't want to, choosing instead not to give up alcohol or drugs or whatever it is that they are into. Hopefully then the kids will realise that their coming into care was not their fault.

Recently, I wrote a 'contact letter' to the birth mother explaining how the boys were doing and how they would like to hear from her. We didn't get a reply. I can understand how difficult it can be for birth parents but  (in my opinion) it also shows an innate selfishness  in that she still places her emotional needs ahead of the boys. Maybe we will hear from her in the future, maybe not - but at least the boys will know that we tried to keep her informed. I was advised to keep copies of the letters we send so that, if in the future, they do look for her through facebook or whatever social media is around that they have the full truth and not her one sided version of it. I can hear it now, how she wanted to look after them but social services stole them etc etc etc. You only have to watch the plethora of TV shows encouraging people to look for their past families to see how easily this could be done.

So I said to TJ, "Yes, you do have a mum, but she didn't look after you properly and they had to find parents who could look after you and give you lots of love."

"You don't love me," he replied.

This would have shocked me a few weeks ago but now I realise it is just TJ's defence mechanism. I have turned this on its head. Now every night at bedtime, rather than simply throw away the "Love you loads - night night!" line - which is usually followed by an angry "will you go to sleep!" after an hour or so.

I now say to TJ, "I've got a secret to whisper in your ear." The first few times he loved it as he cuddled up and I whispered, "I love you very much."... But now he has gotten wise to it and when I say that I have a secret he shouts back, "I know what it is! ... I love you!"

"Oh, thank you," I reply, "I love you too."

"I don't mean that I love you," he shouts, "I mean that you love me!"

"Yes, you're right," I say, "I love you very much."

"Well, you might love me but I hate you!" That's his latest reply and one he shouted as he skipped through the school gate. The other parents looked surprised, I just shrugged. I don't think he really does hate me but he had to balance out the expression of love he has just made with an expression of hate - simply to ensure he is in control of his emotions.

After all love is a scary place. Even as adults we are scared to fall too much in love in case we lose it - so why should it be any different for children.

TJ does love us- of that I am sure - he just finds love a very scary place to be...

Life Goes On...

That's been my motto this week - for both kids and for Papa.

The kids have both settled back into the school routine - which also means that the novelty of being back at school has worn off.

Yesterday I spent most of the morning dealing with issues.

Firstly, the eldest sprog wouldn't get out of bed. Now I appreciate that it's an early start but I ended up in the room singing 'Good Morning!' from 'Singing in the Rain,' at the top of my voice until eventually a little voice peeped out from under the covers.

"If I get out of bed will you stop singing?"

"That's the idea," I reassured them.

"Ok, OK, I'm up!"

Sure enough it did the trick and we managed to get breakfast out of the way before the mini bus arrived.

Although to be fair, the homework from Sprog's new school is massive - The sprog gets some every night and it is a sudden change, in the old school (TJ's current school) they only get homework once a week - but we have been fitting it into our routine. Home at 4.30, homework done by 5. Then dinner before some TV before baths etc.

I have noticed though how much more focused the sprog has become - previously, I hate to say it, but they had used their 'problem' to become lazy - even getting other people to write the work out. That's all changed! What was great was that at Sprog's drama lesson last night the impossibly cheerful drama teacher stopped me to say that she didn't know what had happened but Sprog's new school was obviously working. Sprog was now focussed, polite and aware of the others in the group - its early days but that was great to hear!

TJ has noticed that as well, so his manners have fallen off a cliff... sigh...  However, he got all his homework out of the way and was off playing on the wii... but I re-instated extra for him - his handwriting is awful and yesterday I discovered that he didn't even know his full alphabet - I was appalled, how had I missed that? We had been so busy concentrating on the eldest and the problems that I think I may have missed the younger - who doesn't have the same issues but is just as lazy! (I think its an age thing rather than a genetic disorder - I hope so) But thats the problem with adoption, you don't really know how the parents coped in school - well, we know a bit.. but not enough to fill in the gaps - if that makes sense.

Anyway, Sprog was dispatched and I went to get TJ up - he got up, had his breakfast but then refused to get dressed. I ended up having an argument with a 7 year old who was sitting stark naked, except for his socks, refusing to go to scohool.

"I will take you to school naked!" I told him.
"You won't," he said.

We had reached the front door when he realised I was serious.

"People will see me" he cried
"Its up to you - the choice is yours but you are going to school." I said

The uniform was on in two minutes.

Papa came home in the evening.

"Can you do the kids this evening, please?" I asked. "They haven't been naughty - they've just been kids."

So Papa handled the children for me whilst I made supper and poured a gin!

But as Papa says, we have to do it all again next week - life goes on!