Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Reality Show...

KC has been making great use of his i-pad. He has discovered the video function which means that he is constantly filming.

It's like living in our own reality show - everytime I turn a corner there he is filming the next part of our exploits as a family.

This would be ok if we were constantly doing lots of fun things and maybe had a theme tune and a laugh track that spontaneously cuts in every time one of us says something vaguely amusing - which doesn't happen very often.

But no - KC just films us getting on with life - then makes comments as he does so. He films as if he is talking to his viewer. For instance whilst filming TJ playing with his cars KC is telling the viewer, "Here is my dumb brother playing with his baby toys - he only likes cars and football - he doesn't like anything I like.. but he is my brother so I have to put with him."

TJ, of course, then slams the door in his brother's face - which I'm sure made for a great end of scene.

I was cooking the Sunday lunch (a very British tradition) when I noticed the i-pad being pointed in my direction. 'Do it like a cooking show?" KC directs me ( I say direct - it was kind of like being directed by a nazi stormtrooper) - But I'm happy to oblige and doing my best Jamie/Nigella impression I talk us through the peeling of potatoes and washing of veg before making Yorkshire puddings and basting the roast pork. He gets pretty bored after about 5 minutes. (I wonder why the preparation doesn't make it into most cookery shows - just lots of shots of the celebrity chef telling us how great their food is accompanied by suitable noises). But KC has lost concentration already... 'Now sing,' he says.

I suddenly felt like I was there purely for his entertainment - but being the consummate professional I obliged and sang as I cooked. To be honest, I was having quite a bit of fun and am safe in the knowledge that we don't allow internet access on his ipad, so I know it won't end up on You Tube later this week.

Finally, I asked him to lay the dining table - he wasn't too happy about this and made his feelings well known. "I'm only asking you to do one thing," I said, "You can go back to you filming straight after."

Then I added, "Why are you filming so much anyway?"

He looked at me and then said, "I want to remember you when you are dead."


I remember talking to my fantastic therapists about this once, KC's obsession with death, and their feeling was that he brought it up so often because he was afraid of losing me and Papa and the only way he could seek re-assurance was to talk about our deaths so we could then tell him we weren't going anywhere just yet.

I thought about this and realised that for all the progress we have made (and its a huge amount) there will always be these worries in the back of his mind - abandonment is a huge issue for many adopted children.

I put my vegetables down and went over and gave him a big hug - "I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet," I resassured him.

He looked at me and smiled his cheeky grin, "Then I guess I still have to lay the table," he said...

I guess we will have to think of a theme tune for our show now...


  1. Hi James,

    I'm curious - what was your reaction when KC replied you "I want to remember you when you are dead."?

    I think it is really sweet how KC expresses how much he loves you and your partner in his own way. It did bring a tear in my eye :')

    1. Hi There,

      To be honest, I wasn't really sure what to say or how to feel. I don't think he really understands the concept of death and we have been having lots of talks about what happens when we die - in retrospect I think he is just seeking re-assurance (at least I hope so) but my honest, initial reaction was one of upset - as if he no longer wanted me around.

      I hope that wasn't the case - and I always have to bear in mind that I am the adult in these situations whereas he may not be aware of the impact of the things he comes out with.

      Thanks for the lovely feedback!