Birthdays...

Before I even start I have to let you know that today's post is not a flagrant advertisement of my upcoming birthday (although cards and presents would not be rejected because of this) but it is about my eldest son's reaction to a birthday other than his own.

Last week Papa took both boys out to 'secretly' purchase my present - despite having a list of 'suggested' presents and Papa had suggested that the children donate their pocket money towards the cost.

TJ happily gave up his cash (I put it back into his piggy bank later) and chose a present that Papa then paid the difference for. The Sprog refused. He was not giving up his money. He decided he would make something.

Of course, I'm fine with that - but he hasn't actually done anything about it. As my big day draws closer I am enjoying reminding him that my birthday is this weekend.... TJ is desparate to give me his present - he keeps giving me clues, such as "It begins with a 'P" and "It can go on the wall." (no surprises there although I shall do my best 'surprised face in the morning) He is genuinely excited...

The Sprog sat at the breakfast table and simply said, "I didn't get you anything." I looked upset. "How sad. But have you made something - that would be nice."

"No, I don't want to," he said.

I looked sad... (I used Acting face number 17... Sad, with a hint of love)

"Well, its just a birthday," he said, "Its only another day."

"Ok, you are right," I replied, "I shall remember that on your birthday - we don't need presents or a party, its just another day. I like that idea - saves a lot of hassle and money."

He looked stunned.

"Not my birthday," he said, "That's my day."

"Just another day," I said...

"What about my birthday," piped up TJ.

"Would you like to keep celebrating birthdays?" I asked him.

"Yes," he replied, "I want a football."

"Then we will celebrate your birthday," I said, "And you can come to my party."

"I wanted to go to Legoland for my birthday," said the Sprog.

"I don't think so," I said, "after all it will just be another day."

He wasn't speaking to me when he got on the school bus this morning...

What a week!

Its been a bit of a hectic week so I have to apologise for not updating the blog as regulalry as I should over these past few days. Sorry...

Yesterday was indicative of the week - I had a therapy session in the morning. Its a parenting session, ideally for both of us but wierdly enough my therapist can't understand why Papa has to work during the day. As important as therapy is I have to constantly explain that with only one of us working now we kind of rely on Papa remaining in employment to eat and as brilliant as his bosses have been about the amount of time he has needed off work, I think we would be pushing it if he then asked for a day off every week to attend a therapy session, especially when there isn't any tea and biscuits. I've always imagined adult therapy sessions to involve food and tissues - maybe I have watched too many US TV shows - in the UK therapy consists of two ancient armchairs, no heating and definately no budget for refreshments in a draughty council office. Luckily my therapist (who also looks after the 'participants' on the Jeremy Kyle show - after they have poured their souls out about their neighbour eating their dog or some such nonsense) is also a heavy smoker - so we have to take our session outside at regular intervals for her to sustain her nicotine levels.  Yesterday was a lovely session though - she actually sat with me and simply said 'you and Papa have done an amazing job - think of where you were last year and give yourself a pat on the back.' At first I thought she was just flattering us - after all therapy is bloody expensive and I'm sure she has bills to pay - but then I did sit and look back - and where we are now is actually pretty amazing. Despite all the ups and downs we have come through as a strong family unit. Yes, we have issues and thery are very different to other families issues but we are getting there and, finally, enjoying life.

Tomorrow is KC's birthday - I can't believe it's his second birthday with us. But what is just as fantastic is that this year he is excited! I think last year - his first birthday with us, he wasnt quite sure what was going to happen - do we celebrate birthdays? - will he get presents?. He didn't even ask for anything, just waited till the day to see what he got. This year he has a list, he is bright and his eyes are sparkling and he is genuinely excited - it really is a transformation. He has figured out that he is getting a lizard - mainly because we are going to see his Godparents tomorrow for the day - going horse riding and then a birthday tea - and his Godfather breeds lizards (and snakes too but we dont mention those). Top of heiswish list was - yes, you guessed it - a lizard! So today I nipped out and picked him up a skate board. This is so in the morning he will get that and hopefully the lizard will then be an extra surprise. Although the lizard may not happen as Goddad is away and its down to me and Godmum to get said animal into a cage... I'm not sure how that will work but it will probably make a great blog entry.... but, I know he would be grateful for whatever he gets - simply because he knows what it is like to get nothing.

Anyway, they have had a great week at school - rehearsing for their carol concert and nativity play. TJ has just told me that the baby Jesus got a monster off one of the kings. I looked at him, 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'Yes,' he replied, 'The king has to give Jesus Frankenstein'. I explained that it was Frankincense and was a kind of nice smelling perfume. He looked at me, 'Don't be silly, 'he muttered, 'Why would baby Jesus want perfume - thats a rubbish present, I would give it back.' I hope no-one gives TJ anything he doesnt like this year, they would soon know about it!

Yesterday I was in the post office, mailing a pile of Christmas cards - (the stamps cost more than the cards!!!!) - I overheard the lady behind me, 'This year, she said,' I have told our Angel that she is not going to have a lot of presents, we just dont have the money and I thought it better to tell her before she sees the small pile of presents.'
'It's so true, I think everyone is struggling this year,' her friend replied.
'Yes, this year I've only managed to buy her everything on her list - there's no extras.'
Well, its a good job her daughter will understand the nature of frugality then. I always thought the 'list' was there so we could pick a couple of things from it... but maybe I am old fashioned....

Today, I went up to London - to meet with a very nice literary agent (I had to say that as he reads this blog) to get some advice about how to turn this little blog into a book. Yes, a book! It was fascinating to learn how it all works and now I am really excited about it - lets see what happens. But just as exciting was going up to London - by myself, wearing nice clothes - and not having to think about the kids all day. Papa and I even went out for lunch... a grown up day. Its amazing how the little things suddenly mean so much when you have kids...

Now the boys are sat in front of the wii playing the French version of Sonic and Mario at the London Olympics. 'Why is it in French?' I asked. KC looked at me, 'Because they wear nicer clothes.' he said. A fashionista in the family - I was stunned - then I saw that the characters were all dressed as some sort of insect. I don't remember the Ferench team wearing bumble bee onesies. So maybe we don't have a budding fashion designer after all - although considering what passes for fashion nowadays he may be on the right track.....

Trip 2 to A and E...

... but this time it was with our younger son TJ and the experience could not have been more different than our last.

TJ had an asthma attack during the night and no matter how I tried I just couldn't settle him, so I called our local out of hours clinic and they simply said 'bring him in now'. I took him in and we were taken straight into the treatment areas - TJ thought he was extra special, I began to panic. They popped the pulse indicator thingy on his finger and everyone looked at the screen and went very silent - again, very scary. Then they said 'right, his oxygen levels are through the floor' and popped him onto one of three nebulisers. I say three as they kept changing the level of dosage in order to regulate his breathing. Eventually they manage to get him back on track and the doctor was so kind. He said to me 'I didnt want to have to admit him to hospital as I think that would stress your son out even more, I notice he is adopted and adopted children often don't cope with separation very well'. It is so refreshing to meet professionals who just 'get' the different ways in which adopted children have difficulties where birth children may not. A birth child knows that their parent will always come back for them, to an adopted child that may not be the case, no matter how much we reassure them, in the back of their mind they will have been abandoned.

Mind you, this attack was on the back of a weekend of parties - both kids were invited ice skating and for the first time, we left them with the birthday boy's family - lots of 'dont worry they'll be fine' type things being said. although Papa and I did worry - we worried that we only had two hours to get lunch and some shopping in! Yay! We said 'goodbye' and 'be good' and then shot out of there before anyone realised what they had committed themselves to. I noticed a lot of parents seem to do that at kids parties - just drop the kids off and run!!!!!!!

When we came back it was mayhem. KC was still on the ice (apparently they couldn't get him off) and clutching onto a penguin stabiliser whilst trying to knock other skaters over - which he found hilarious. TJ, on the other hand, had had a Little Lord Fauntleroy moment, and on being given his burger (which he ordered at the beginning of the party) promptly threw it back at the waitress shouting at her that he 'didn't order cheese!' Obviously, when the birthday boy's mother informed us of this behaviour we were mortified - and a little surprised as to why TJ would order burgers when he hates them. But words were had and groundings given. I dont know if I should share this but I needed to make TJ understand how rude he had been and telling him off gets you nowhere as he simply dissociates and shuts down mentally. So I let them both have beans on toast for tea (no TV and straight to bed afterwards) and then served them the delicious birthday cake that had come home with them as part of their party bags (also confiscated). They were about to tuck into their cake when I said, 'Right, before you take a mouthful. I want you before every bite to say 'I'm sorry for being rude to Birthday Boy's Mum' and then you can eat and swallow, then before you take another bite you say the same thing and so on.

They looked startled but I made them do it and by the end TJ was crying and saying I dont want any more cake - but I made him finish it, complete with his phrase. I have to be honest I quite enjoyed the experience (is that a bad thing to admit to?) but at the end he went to bed full of remorse and promising to eat whatever is put in front of him - especially when he is out.

KC is grounded just for being a hooligan and not being good like he promised - so its a quiet week without TV for us this week.....

...and now I'm at home all day with a bored 6 year old without the use of TV to baby sit him and keep him quiet... He has to rest for 48 hours and take horrid steroids, keeping him still is quite a chore so as I type this I have to admit that I buckled and he is currently sat in front of CBeebies... but to be honest, I think he got quite a fright with his asthma attack so I won't be too hard on him... KC on the other hand.....