Tango... a personal review

So it's happened....

Tango...

It's been three years in the making. A real expression of love and hard work.

I have read various incarnations of the script but have seen the show twice now and each time have found different things that have moved me.

The first time was through the telling of our own stories. Even though I knew them, the way in which Joel (the playwright) had blended our reality with his own creations was seamless.

I was touched... we were touched.

I think most telling was how much we felt towards the character Jayden, our son in the play. When he is suddenly involved in the violence that occurs through no fault of his own we both became immediately protective of him.

But, as we are here to work, we have attended and taken part in numerous talks and it is these that have really shown the impact Tango has had on audiences here.

From the mother of two gay sons who had only ever dreamed of being a grandmother, to the same sex couple and their teenage son who were happy that families like ours were being given a platform to show they even exist. Same sex couples who now had a baby and were worried about the future, single parents who, through no fault of their own, found themselves being judged by their own society, even the adoptive child (now grown up) of Dutch parents who was now able to express his feelings as a child with a distinctively different background to his peers.

Also, the couple who told us they had never experienced discrimination for their same sex family and their child... but they put that down to their being of the same race and, as we shared, the waitresses initial curiosity was roused because our Caucasian son was sitting with his Chinese father. And finally, the Chinese mother who had a seemingly'white' child with her Caucasian husband and how, whenever she took her daughter anyplace new, the automatic reaction was that she was the 'helper'.

So many stories.

So much shared  love.

Tango has nearly sold out in its final week... I hope it is seen again and again...

It's a powerful story... not just because it is 'inspired' by this blog, but also because it shares the humanity of life, of love, of family....

If you haven't bought tickets yet... do...

It really is worth it!

The blogpost that began the story of 'Tango'

I had been asked to find the original blogpost that inspired the new play 'Tango' by Joel Tan, and after spending an hour or so trawling through my blog I found it... from Feb 2013.

Rather then expecting people to trawl through... here it is.

Enjoy!

Coming Home...

That's how it feels coming back to Singapore... Especially when we see our lovely friends. We have a lot of people to catch up with and started today with a friend I made on my first day working in Singapore back in 1999. She is now married, to another great friend, and have two adorable children, one of whom is in love with our son.... We shall ensure their betrothal by the end of the trip. More friends to meet tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow... Great fun!

After a lovely afternoon, in which we persuaded our friends to take our washing home with them (they have a maid!) we decided to do some shopping. KC needed summer pyjamas, as the onesie he brought with him is just too hot in evenings where the temperature does not fall below 25c. Papa also decided he needed a new T-shirt, so we went to a few stores and he finally found one he liked... And today he learned the lesson that all Caucasians learn very early on... Singapore does not cater for British 'physiques'! ( unless you are small and skinny, of course).

When we lived here Papa used to laugh when I came home after a days shopping in a state of depression. Here I was a large size ( even when I was skinny)... It was even more depressing when you walk into a shop and the assistants would scream 'no large sizes!' And usher you out of the door.... Being Caucasian in Asia stops being fun when clothes shopping... I'm sure it's even worse for the ladies!

To be honest, one thing I have noticed is that Singaporeans do seem to be getting bigger, obviously affluence does affect size as people eat out more and fast food outlets are now everywhere. But today, Papa understood my depression when shopping. He went into a local store (that also has branches in the UK). In the UK he is sized as a medium... Which is fine. But today he went into the same store to fine he was an XL! He was so shocked that he simply threw the clothes back and stormed out of the shop. I ran after him and reminded him that this was Singapore and therefore they were Asian sizes... He looked at me disparagingly, "Asian sizes... Asian sizes!" He repeated himself for dramatic effect before a drawn out pause... "I am bloody Asian!" Words failed me.... But inside I was smiling!

Later that evening we decided to go out for a quick dinner and as it was getting late we popped into a local Chinese restaurant chain. 'Good and cheap' as Papa puts it. All was going well until the waitress decided she needed to know more about our family. As I took TJ to the toilet I came back to find Papa and the waitress having a 'heated' discussion in Chinese, with KC sitting there. The gist of it was that she wanted to know where the boys' mother was. When Papa told her they didn't have one she seemed confused and then asked if they were his children and if he had married an 'Ang mom'. Calmly, Papa had told her that the boys were adopted, by us... she didn't seem able to accept this and started to argue with Papa about same sex adoption and her belief that it was wrong. It was at this point that I came back. This seemed to make her angrier. As did my trying to calm everything down.

The waitress then threw the cutlery down and said she couldn't serve us. Her senior manager came over and Papa started to tell her what had happened. She then served us herself whilst the other waitress sat in the corner glaring at us. It didn't make for a comfortable evening out but at least the boys were unaware. We left quietly and I ensured we had a late night drink to calm everyone down... the boys had an ice cream... ice cream at 10pm in the heat of the tropical night is great fun!

Maybe Singapore isn't quite ready for a gay family just yet.

Home Again?

When we arrived back in the UK, KC asked me if Singapore was our home or whether the UK was.

I asked him why he felt the need to ask it, and was quite surprised by his answer.

"It's simple,' he said, 'You always say that one is where we are - where the family are. So for Papa home must be where his family are. That means that home for Papa must be Singapore and...' he went on, 'you both know so many people over there - whenever we go we just meet loads of your friends and have loads of dinners and you drink lots of wine (I'm not sure where he got that last bit from) and we sit and smile and play on our phones."

"So you didn't enjoy it then?" I said.

"I enjoyed it,' he replied, "I love Singapore - I love the food and the warmth and the swimming and the tv... I don't really love the shopping though and I don't like leaving, because it means going on a long flight and I've seen all the movies on the way back..."

'Do you want to live there?" I asked him.

"Maybe, but only if I could live with Cousin M. and Grandma and Grandpa - they let me do what I want."

Hmmmmm... Well, I guess thats part of the joy of being Grandparents - you can let the grandkids run riot an then give them back. I didn't want to remind him that his cousin will be returning to university next week and won't be there anyway.

Family is big for KC. It means a lot to him.

TJ then came in. 'Did you enjoy Singapore?" I asked him.

"No,' he replied, "I hate the food, it's too hot and you just make us go shopping. I also don't have my playstation and I couldn't see my friends."

"What about seeing the rest of the family,' I said, "and your Godparents?"

"That was alright," he replied, "But don't you think they could all come and see us next time?"

So we have one traveller and one home body... which, strangely enough, reminded me of myself and my own brother. I have always had itchy feet and my brother has never left the North, but I think we are both happy, we just accept we are different.

Hopefully, the boys will see that as well.

Yesterday, on the radio the song 'Hello, Goodbye' by The Beatles came on. KC was singing along. "You know this song?" I asked him. He looked at me, "Don't you remember, it was the song that was playing in the car when you picked us up for the first time from our foster home."

I had forgotten.

"You've got a great memory," i said.

"Well, it's one of my favourite songs, " he said as he left the room.

It's moments like that that make parenting worthwhile...

Tango in Singapore

It's been an interesting few days here in Singapore.

We arrived on Monday night to be told that even though we had just got off the plane we then had to attend Papa's dad's birthday party.

"But his birthday is not until tomorrow," Papa exclaimed.

"Yes, but tomorrow is Qingming (the day that traditionally celebrates the dead), and there is no way that we are celebrating Dad's birthday then!" So said Papa's mum - so we were now hurriedly racing down the highway to get checked in to our apartment before heading over for the birthday celebration. Luckily, the celebration was lovely, a quiet family affair wth Papa's mum's amazing cooking. So even though we had a dreadful flight, (that's a separate email to BA) the meal more than made up for it.

We are here to help to promote the play 'Tango', which is based on this very blog - and it has already met with some confusion. A newspaper report that ran on our day of arrival wrongly linked the play to the book 'Tango Makes Three' about the same-sex penguins who raise a penguin chick (its a true story and is used a lot to show the diverse nature of family) the book caused some controversy here in Singapore and ended up being removed from the National Library - but we are not here to discuss that and the play doesn't set out to criticise the political establishment - rather its aim is to help people realise that families are diverse, whether they be same sex, single, adopted, living with relatives etc... Ideally, although the play is primarily about a gay couple and their difficulty in coming home to Singapore, it also looks at the concept of family and filial relationships. The idea that the grandparents and the grandchild cannot be together due to the current legal situation surrounding families that are considered 'different' in Singapore. Mind you the fact that the first publicity shots show the young man playing the son dressed in a penguin suit might have confused the issue...

I don't want to give away the plot, but the premise of the story is true and one that can be read here in this blog (you just need to go back a few pages)...

We have worked alongside the playwright, Joel Tan, to work on the reality of being an adoptive family - be it same sex or not. The struggles to even become a family, let alone the trials that follow. However, Joel has definitely made the remainder of the play his own - one must always remember it is a fictionalised account of reality (if that makes sense)

So we are now booked to do a variety of press and media events, as well as talk about the issues we face being parents - ideally we want to show that being same sex parents is no different to being heterosexual ones - we all have the same difficulties and joys.

I'll keep you posted!!!!!!

But if you are in Singapore between May 19 and June 4 and want to come along then the link is below - we hope to see you there!!!!!

http://pangdemonium.com/productions/tango

One Armed Tango!

So it's been a busy couple of weeks in more ways than one.

On the family front KC decided that he would spend the last three weeks in plaster as he managed to break his hand.

He was out on his skateboard in front of the house - apparently trying out some new 'epic' stunts. Then I heard a cry. I rushed out to see him to find him clutching his hand. He had taken a fall onto the pavement. But after checking that he could still wiggle his fingers and that there was no blood I sent him back out with a flea in his ear - I gave him a good telling off for not using his safety gloves, wristbands, helmet etc and told him that now he would understand the reason why he had to wear them.

He seemed to take this on board - for at least 5 minutes - before racing off out with his friends again.

That evening he sat in front of the TV complaining that his hand was hurting. "It's funny how these things only start to hurt on the Sunday evening before school next day' I quipped. I then sent him to bed an told him there was no way it was broken and I was not going to the local A and E on a Sunday night.

The next morning we got up and he was still complaining. I looked at his hand - which had turned a strange shade of blue and seemed to be very swollen. I was reminded of Violet Beauregarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory after she had consumed the blueberry gum...

"I think we had better go to the hospital" I said and off we went.

The hospital wasn't too crowded and we were seen quite quickly - well, within the four hour time slot anyway. As we sat waiting I stretched and leaned onto the arm of my chair - only to hear a stifled scream and see KC's eyes nearly pop out of his head. I had leaned onto his bad hand. "If it wasn't broken before - it is now!' He cried through gritted teeth.

The nurse had a look at him and we went off for an x-ray. True enough, it was broken, and I now felt like the worst person on the planet. A point that was not missed by KC, who soon after being put into his plaster stated that from now on he could only eat with one hand and that we should therefore go and get him a burger... feeling guilty I took him to the local Burger King.

So he then spent the next couple of weeks reminding me of how cruelly I had treated him - how I had dismissed his cries of pain and how meanly I had treated him.

I gave him a couple of days of this before we went back to our normal ways.

Then came the date to have the cast taken off - he healed very quickly, but it was only a very small fracture apparently.

We queued up to see the nurse. 'What's your date of birth?" the nurse asked KC. He looked at her with a blank expression. She tried again, "When's your birthday?"

"In December," he replied.

"What day in December were you born on?" she went on. He looked at her, "I don't know, I was just a baby..." I thought the nurse was going to fall over she laughed so much.

She asked him what had happened and he told her about his 'epic' trick and how he had nearly managed to complete it.

'Was the trick worth the broken bones?" she asked.

'Absolutely!" he replied.

She looked at me pityingly - 'You're going to be coming here a lot, I think." she said laughing...

Scarily, I think she may be right.

But now we can announce our other news...

My little blog has 'inspired' a new play and its going to be produced!

Written by the Singaporean playwright Joel Tan it's called 'Tango' (loosely based on the book title 'Tango Makes Three' - which was banned in a number of countries for its compassionate dealing with gay adoption by two penguins. Joel wanted to write a story about a gay adoptive family who try to return to Singapore but find that the climate there (being gay is still illegal) won't recognised their family, their married status or indeed the adoption of their children and how that effects the other members of the family who are practically denied access to their grandchildren. His point being that the grandparents and grandchildren are kept apart by a law that doesn't even apply to them.

Anyway, one of my very good friend's children will be playing the boy (an amalgam of both our children) in the play - which is lovely! So we are heading back to Singapore in the next week or so to help promote the play but also for my friend's son to meet with KC and to discuss his life being an adoptee to gay dads, having Singaporean grandparents and Aunts and Uncles - despite being white British and sharing his experiences.

The sad thing is that he won't be able to watch it as, in their infinite wisdom, the Singapore censorship board have made the play an adults only affair - so no-one under 18 is allowed to watch it, even though its a story about love, family and overcoming prejudice.

Hopefully, we can sneak the boys into a rehearsal... fingers crossed!

I'll keep you updated!!!!!!