Home Again?

When we arrived back in the UK, KC asked me if Singapore was our home or whether the UK was.

I asked him why he felt the need to ask it, and was quite surprised by his answer.

"It's simple,' he said, 'You always say that one is where we are - where the family are. So for Papa home must be where his family are. That means that home for Papa must be Singapore and...' he went on, 'you both know so many people over there - whenever we go we just meet loads of your friends and have loads of dinners and you drink lots of wine (I'm not sure where he got that last bit from) and we sit and smile and play on our phones."

"So you didn't enjoy it then?" I said.

"I enjoyed it,' he replied, "I love Singapore - I love the food and the warmth and the swimming and the tv... I don't really love the shopping though and I don't like leaving, because it means going on a long flight and I've seen all the movies on the way back..."

'Do you want to live there?" I asked him.

"Maybe, but only if I could live with Cousin M. and Grandma and Grandpa - they let me do what I want."

Hmmmmm... Well, I guess thats part of the joy of being Grandparents - you can let the grandkids run riot an then give them back. I didn't want to remind him that his cousin will be returning to university next week and won't be there anyway.

Family is big for KC. It means a lot to him.

TJ then came in. 'Did you enjoy Singapore?" I asked him.

"No,' he replied, "I hate the food, it's too hot and you just make us go shopping. I also don't have my playstation and I couldn't see my friends."

"What about seeing the rest of the family,' I said, "and your Godparents?"

"That was alright," he replied, "But don't you think they could all come and see us next time?"

So we have one traveller and one home body... which, strangely enough, reminded me of myself and my own brother. I have always had itchy feet and my brother has never left the North, but I think we are both happy, we just accept we are different.

Hopefully, the boys will see that as well.

Yesterday, on the radio the song 'Hello, Goodbye' by The Beatles came on. KC was singing along. "You know this song?" I asked him. He looked at me, "Don't you remember, it was the song that was playing in the car when you picked us up for the first time from our foster home."

I had forgotten.

"You've got a great memory," i said.

"Well, it's one of my favourite songs, " he said as he left the room.

It's moments like that that make parenting worthwhile...

A Gay Family Friendly Trip...or Just a Family Friendly Trip?

This post originally appeared as a guest blogpost for We Are Family Magazine:

In a previous blogpost I talked about the difficulties of visiting countries where homosexuality is illegal, in our case Singapore but whereas others have a choice as to where to spend their pink pound we do not – Papa’s family are Singaporean and our choosing not to go would be to deny our boys their Grandparents, who are too old to travel, and Papa’s extended family.

But we manage it and continue to plan for our yearly expedition to the city-state.

However, to put the boys sense of travel into perspective we also try to visit at least one gay friendly destination each year and for our last trip we took the short flight over to Barcelona and the travelled further to the beautiful gay friendly town of Sitges – we even had my Mum, the boys Granny with us – so it was a real family affair.

What’s lovely about Sitges is not the nightlife – Papa and I used to partake when we were younger and it is pretty vibrant, nor the culture – there are a lot of art galleries and things to see but it’s the fact that being gay is not something to hide. There are other gay families mingling naturally with straight ones and couples of all persuasions and ages holding hands as they stroll along the beautiful promenade.

Its great for the boys to see that their family is just the same as everyone else’s. I know there are events and holidays run by organizations such as New Family Social in the UK, and they do a brilliant job, but its also good for the boys to see gay families in a ‘real life’ context. The boys made friends with another boy at our hotel – the convenient and friendly Medium Sitges Park – and they were soon playing football on the beach with their playmate’s dad and Papa whilst his mum and I sat sipping a sangria with Granny.

It's that sort of natural behaviour that should be emulated across the globe – its only a shame that it isn’t.

After a week in Sitges we travelled back to Barcelona for a long weekend, Granny had never been and we promised to show her the sights. We decided to stay self-catering at the Serrenia apartments, which were well placed to explore the city – particularly if you have two young children and an… ermmm… older lady with you.

Again, the sight of an inter-racial gay couple and their sons didn’t raise an eyebrow – although one waiter did think that Papa was my Mum’s toyboy – which she was very pleased about, him not so. But the boys loved the tour bus – they weren’t too happy about the churches and museums although they did have a great time at Camp Nou, the Barcelona FC stadium which Papa took them round – whilst I accompanied Granny on a shopping trip.

Mixing the two destinations meant that everyone had something to do and no-one got too bored. Plus finding destinations that are both gay friendly and family friendly can be quite difficult but Catalonia definitely offers it all. We’ll be back!

... they don't see difference, they see family.

Well we are back from our trip to Singapore.

If anything this year was blissfully uneventful. The boys got to see their Grandparents and Papa's sister and her family. They attended an 'open day' at their cousins airforce base - he is serving his National Service, and the boys generated a lot of interest from their cousins crew mates, all of whom wanted to know how they were related. It's great that our boys simply accept their Singaporean Chinese family as their own - they don't see difference, they see family.

It seems that Singapore is beginning to get used to the idea of gay dads - or perhaps its just us. Where last year we fought off questions and argued about 'where the mother is?' with restaurant staff this year we had a complete stranger congratulating us on our beautiful family. This was lovely but after the chap had said it we kept bumping into him, even ended up standing next to him in a taxi line - which was suddenly very uncomfortable - afer all, how do you continue a conversation with a complelte stranger who has just commented on your family? There was a lot of nervous smiling and looking at the floor from everyone. Still, we gave him a wave as we drove off in our cab.

The air stewardesses were obviously curious. Previously we had always flown either British Airways or QANTAS - the stewardesses there cottoned on straight away about our family mix. This time we flew Singapore Airlines - and they didn't have a clue - or were too polite to ask. In the end one stewardess came over to Papa and asked him if he was travelleing with 'our party' as he seemed to be helping the little boy next to him a lot. Papa explained that they were his sons too and after that we were the subject of much gossip and air crew walking past regularly to get a look at us.

Not that the boys noticed. Wierdly, people still stop them in the street or by the pool to take pictures of them - Chinese tourists love our boys - Papa's sister suggested we begin charging for photos - we would make a fortune - I think she may have a point.

Maybe people do still stop and point at us, or we get comments - but maybe we simply don't notice anymore? The boys certainly weren't phased by anything.

One of the boys friends commented on having two dads. 'When men get married," she said, 'Its because they need someone to stay at home and look after the children.' All of her friends nodded at this wisdom.

Perhaps Singapore is indeed finally opening up to families like our own.

Perhaps.....

Chessington!

We have Granny staying with us this week and for a treat she suggested that we take the kids to Chessington World of Adventures, a theme park on the other side of London.

I was a little nervous about the drive - especially after our experience at the weekend but decided that we would leave early and just take the risk!

So off we went.

As it was we needn't have worried - the motorways were completely clear and we made it there within an hour.

There was a queue at the theme park - but it wasnt horrendous and we were surprised at how relatively quiet the park was - the staff were all saying it was one of the quietest days they had seen this summer. I think people had gotten wind of our arrival and were obviously staying away.

The kids were excited - they were going to go on all the big rides and we raced in - they wanted to go to the Kobra first - I was worried TJ would be too small to go on a lot of the rides and he was but luckily as soon as he saw the roller coaster he decided it wasn't for him and he would rather go on the dodgem cars (or crazy Tuk Tuks - it was Wild Asia) instead. Granny said she would take Lea on the coaster - except she took one look at it and refused to go near it - apparently it wasn't the sort of roller coaster that she liked. But Granny and I wanted to do it - but couldn't leave the kids by themselves... and we weren't going to do it individually which would have taken hours of queuing!

That was pretty much the theme (did you see what I did there?) for the rest of the day... We would race to do a big ride and both kids would chicken out and we would do a small ride instead - which was actually the one they wanted to do... apparently.

Then we all agreed to go on the Mummy ride - a slow ride through a Mummy themed cavern where you zap baddies with lasers. The kids were excited and Lea was regaling TJ with stories of the zombies we would meet inside and the mummies that would attack us. Of course by the time we got to the front of the queue TJ was in floods of tears and screaming that he wanted to go home, he wanted to go to the toilet, he wanted to leave - anything except do the ride.

Great. I'm afraid after trying to calm him down and getting increasingly cross with Lea who kept reminding him about the killer death zombies inside - I pointed to a lady who was getting off with a toddler and said, 'Look at them - he's a baby and he's not crying!" I then added, "And we are not leaving now - not after queuing for nearly half an hour!" TJ thought about this and then said, "That man will stop the ride if I get too scared wont he?" I looked at the bemused, spotty teenager who was operating the ride - probably on his summer break from university. "Yes," I lied, "that's exactly what he will do - now just get in!"

Of course, TJ loved the ride and bounced out at the end talking about the mummies he had hit... He even turned to me and said, "That wasn't that bad..."

I wanted to kill him!

The next day I got up to find both kids pouring over the map of the park discussing the 'fright' merits of each ride and deciding that they were now brave enough to do all the rides at Chessington - so could we go again today... I told them to wait until Papa came home from New York and they could ask him to take them!

'Yay!' - they screamed, until TJ suddenly looked at me and said, "But Papa doesn't drive so how will we get there?"

I just looked back and grinned!

Papa is in for a treat when he gets back!

Holiday ... 1... Tripping....

The first day of jet lag is always weird... One minute you are up and raring to go, then you suddenly find yourself falling asleep in odd places. I fell asleep while teaching a class once after flying back to Singapore from the UK the night before. Not too weird I hear you say, until you learn it was a dance class (those were the days!)

The children were up and awake at 5am... They came rushing into our room to tell us about the witch flying around outside their bedroom... 'But Granny is at home!' I thought... (Hehe).. It turned out to be a bird sitting on the balcony and whooping... I think that is the term... It definitely whoops!

By 8am Papa took them to the pool, not to drown them, but to give me an extra hour in bed, bless him.

By lunchtime poor TJ was exhausted, he practically fell asleep in his sauerkraut, yes we travelled to Asia to eat at a German restaurant... It was one he remembered from last year's trip and when TJ wants a sausage then a sausage he shall have! So we decided to come back to the flat for a nap. The great thing about having a serviced apartment is that you can come back and just chill... TJ has a nap while Lea watches tv and I have a cup of tea or g and t on the balcony.

On the way back we met a young boy in the lift, a young boy in an Arsenal top. A young boy who is a member of the arsenal soccer school out here... Where everyone in Singapore used to support Man U, the tide has turned and there is a huge number of Arsenal supporters now. Anyhow, TJ and this boy got talking and now TJ wants to live here. Lea does too, but only because she doesn't like the long flight.

This evening we were supposed to see Grandma and Grandpa for Chinese New Years Eve reunion dinner, however, TJ simply wasn't up to it. He was just standing in the bedroom crying, but he didn't know why... That's jet lag for you. He wasn't ready to sleep, didn't want to eat but didn't know what he wanted to do... Bless him. So we decided that he and I would stay at home and Papa and Lea could go to the reunion dinner... Off they went, leaving TJ and I alone watching tv. An hour later they were back. They couldn't get a taxi. Even the hotel couldn't get one... Apparently it's Chinese New Year's Eve... There were people fighting for cabs outside the hotel, literally! So Papa and Lea came home. TJ perked up and we went out to the Hyatt for our own family dinner... Now the kids are back in bed... Both wide awake!!!

But we have already pre booked our taxi so the kids can do the New Year's greeting to their Grandparents, who will be giving them their ang paos stuffed with money and, more importantly, their Chinese names to welcome them to the family... The Singapore government may not yet accept gay people and their families yet, but the Singaporeans we know and love have been nothing but amazingly supportive and our children will grow up being proud Anglo-Singaporeans....

Singapore here we come!

Well, we finally got here after nearly a full day of travel.
We decided to take the night flight so both kids could sleep for most of the 12 hour journey. And to be fair, they were brilliant... Most of the time.

We were sitting upstairs on the new airbus, which was exciting in itself, and TJ decided he needed the toilet - no change there then. Whilst we were up I decided I would use the facility as well. So sent TJ back to his seat, which was only two rows away as we were in a very small cabin section. I then nipped to the loo. In the two minutes or so that I was in there all pandemonium had broken loose. TJ had taken a wrong turn ( how he did that on a plane I don't know) and had been found crying in first class. No one knew who he was or where he was supposed to be and he couldn't tell them. I came out of the loo and went back to the seat. 'Where's TJ?' I asked Papa and Lea to be met with shrugged shoulders as they were both watching a movie. And then I heard the wail from up front. The blue curtain was pulled back to reveal three stewardesses fussing over a small crying boy. We comforted him and took him back to our seats. Five minutes later and the stewardesses turned up with blankets and little bags from first class so the kids could be comfortable, they then plied them with chocolates and sweets for the rest of the trip... I needed a whiskey and dry to calm my nerves, so had three....

This reminded me of a time, before children, when Papa and I always flew business. We are not ludicrously wealthy, I am just very lucky to be married to someone in the travel industry. However, one time I was downgraded as they had oversold the business seats, so Papa and I agreed to share the flat bed in business.... Not like that! I would sit in economy and watch a couple of movies on the 12 hour flight while Papa slept and then halfway through we would swap seats and he could watch a movie while I got some sleep. Pretty good idea. So I sat in my seat and watched a couple of movies.... And waited.... And waited... And the blue curtain (which acts as a barrier into the world that is business) never moved... I waited some more and then decided that I would venture forward to find my partner. I had never seen cabin crew move as fast as when my hand touched that curtain. I'm afraid you can't go through there.' I was told and despite my protestations that I wasn't actually going to contaminate the business class passengers with nasty economy germs, I was unceremoniously sent back to my seat. I sat there fuming and longing for the blue curtain to go back, even if only to show the afore mentioned cabin crew that I was not in fact some mad stalker or making the whole thing up so I could steal a business class washbag.... It never happened.

We got off the plane and Papa was waiting for me, he had been fast tracked off, naturally... He was suitably apologetic... Apparently he was just so comfortable that he overslept and when he did wake up there was only four hours left to fly so he didn't think it would be worth the swap. I was obviously enjoying my movies as I never came for him.... Or that was his reasoning... Needless to say it's a story I will not let him forget....

As we got off the plane yesterday we walked through first class, (I always love that they make you walk through the entire plane as if to say, 'see this is what you could've won!') TJ turned to Lea and proudly said, 'See that's my seat there, I got to sit and watch that big tv!' It may only have been for a few minutes but already my youngest is beginning to realise why one can only turn left when boarding a plane.... He really is Little Lord Fauntleroy.

We checked into out beautiful apartment just off Orchard Road, Singapore's shopping district, and then ran to get shopping and dinner. Chicken rice, lovely... And both children had loads of chilli with it they definitely have Singapore blood in them! We then went to get ice cream, it was just turning 10pm and the stores were closing. We queued up at the ice cream stall and the boys selected their flavours just to be told by the rather grumpy female assistant, "Sorry, ah! Last order done already!' Yes, Singapore customer service is alive and well... The shop assistant then closed the counter despite the protestations of the kids and even the man in front who asked the girl to 'just give the children a small ice cream. 'Cannot,' she said, 'Stall closed at 10.' Oh well... We popped over to 7-11 for an ice lolly instead. There's always somewhere open in singapore... What made me smile was as we walked away TJ said, quite loudly, 'I thought you said they speak English in the shops here, Papa. But I didn't understand her." Ah, the joys of Singlish....

It is now 5 am and we are all awake. Today is Chinese New Years Eve, so tonight it is reunion dinner with Papa's family. They love the kids so I know they will be horribly spoiled... As long as they stay awake!!!