Just when you thought it was safe...

So my positive post from last week has gone 'tits up' - to quote someone or something.

Last week we were happy in our new school bubble. A week later its over - excluded and no longer funded. KC is showing signs of depression and has been self harming. He has already asked me why we bothered adopting him - after all, he says no-one really wanted him in the first place, we should have just left him where he was. It was after he said that that I noticed the marks on the backs of his hands and up his arms - scratched he had been making with the blade he removed from a pencil sharpener. Great.

Then yesterday came the news he had been excluded from school pending an investigation - an investigation into the type of event I had been warning both school and social services could happen at any time - given the poor boy's past abuse.

But now it has happened and I'm lucky we have a great relationship with our post adoption social worker (I know some of you reading this will be pointing out that I'm lucky to even have a post adoption social worker). But I can't fault her, within 24 hours of my calling her she had therapy in place and fully funded, ready to go. Her advice was the same as before, which the SEN team ignored, take KC out of school for a while, let him undergo some serious therapy - school can wait. He can't learn if his head is full of his other stuff anyway - he needs to clear his mind then focus on studying.

There is an obsession to keep kids in school whether it is good for their well being or not - and in this case it wasn't just KC that ended up damaged, but other children as well. I am no doubt going to have social services on my back and the SEN team around my house as my son is categorised as a 'child missing education' but I'll fight for him - he won't go back into a school situation until they fully recognise his behavioural needs as well as his learning needs - he needs to be seen as a whole person, not just a funding requirement.

But my youngest is happy enough - although he begins testing for his needs at the end of next month - but for the time being we will just focus on KC and let TJ trudge along - then we can swap over afterward I hope.

To say I'm exhausted is an understatement.

It was my birthday yesterday - so I chose not to take the exclusion personally and just got on with having a nice meal in our local pizza restaurant (the boy's choice of course!!!!).

Onwards and upwards...

Ch...ch...ch...Changes...

Is it still cool to quote David Bowie song lyrics - probably not, but we have definitely been through a period of great change over the past few weeks.

KC changed school, we managed to get his new school named on the EHC Plan the day before he was due to start - it was as if I had spent the whole summer holiday trying to get hold of various different agencies, the local authority, the school, the virtual head, post adoption social workers...  and everyone was on holiday at different times then, the day before school restarts, wallop! They are all in at the same time and I spent a full day on the phone co-ordinating KC's start at his new school.

It had even reached a stage where I was seriously considering home schooling him - I had joined Facebook groups, taken advice from friends who home school and was setting up a mini classroom for him - I even quit my job (but that's another story). I told KC of my plan and he looked horrified - 'But, you'll make me learn stuff!' He exclaimed - "That's the point,' I replied.

Apparently school isn't about learning its about having fun and sitting in the classroom chatting - maybe the change of school was a good thing after all.

Anyway, the boys are now in different schools again, which was actually in line with their therapist's view anyway - although we hadn't planned it that way. Her feeling was that TJ would be more able to grow and become more resilient if he wasn't in his brother's shadow - plus, as their relationship was still quite a dysfunctional one, it may be a wise choice to allow them both to lead separate lives and then come back together after school to share experiences etc. I don't know if it will work - but I do know I now spend around 45 minutes on the school run twice daily!

But I don't regret leaving work at all - it has made me re-evaluate stuff - I know we are lucky to be able to afford to have me at home (even if it is just for a short while whilst we 'reset') I had forgotten how much adopted children in particular need you to be there for them - and how much stuff they were missing out on. So we shall see what happens next - ideally I can find something part time that allows me to get out and meet people.

But on thing is certain - I am now free to blog again and so I'll be looking at how to rework this existing blog to adapt to the boys growing up - they no longer want their lives put on line for all to share - unless, they have agreed it first! Which is fair enough I guess...

Watch this space!!!!!