So my positive post from last week has gone 'tits up' - to quote someone or something.
Last week we were happy in our new school bubble. A week later its over - excluded and no longer funded. KC is showing signs of depression and has been self harming. He has already asked me why we bothered adopting him - after all, he says no-one really wanted him in the first place, we should have just left him where he was. It was after he said that that I noticed the marks on the backs of his hands and up his arms - scratched he had been making with the blade he removed from a pencil sharpener. Great.
Then yesterday came the news he had been excluded from school pending an investigation - an investigation into the type of event I had been warning both school and social services could happen at any time - given the poor boy's past abuse.
But now it has happened and I'm lucky we have a great relationship with our post adoption social worker (I know some of you reading this will be pointing out that I'm lucky to even have a post adoption social worker). But I can't fault her, within 24 hours of my calling her she had therapy in place and fully funded, ready to go. Her advice was the same as before, which the SEN team ignored, take KC out of school for a while, let him undergo some serious therapy - school can wait. He can't learn if his head is full of his other stuff anyway - he needs to clear his mind then focus on studying.
There is an obsession to keep kids in school whether it is good for their well being or not - and in this case it wasn't just KC that ended up damaged, but other children as well. I am no doubt going to have social services on my back and the SEN team around my house as my son is categorised as a 'child missing education' but I'll fight for him - he won't go back into a school situation until they fully recognise his behavioural needs as well as his learning needs - he needs to be seen as a whole person, not just a funding requirement.
But my youngest is happy enough - although he begins testing for his needs at the end of next month - but for the time being we will just focus on KC and let TJ trudge along - then we can swap over afterward I hope.
To say I'm exhausted is an understatement.
It was my birthday yesterday - so I chose not to take the exclusion personally and just got on with having a nice meal in our local pizza restaurant (the boy's choice of course!!!!).
Onwards and upwards...
Last week we were happy in our new school bubble. A week later its over - excluded and no longer funded. KC is showing signs of depression and has been self harming. He has already asked me why we bothered adopting him - after all, he says no-one really wanted him in the first place, we should have just left him where he was. It was after he said that that I noticed the marks on the backs of his hands and up his arms - scratched he had been making with the blade he removed from a pencil sharpener. Great.
Then yesterday came the news he had been excluded from school pending an investigation - an investigation into the type of event I had been warning both school and social services could happen at any time - given the poor boy's past abuse.
But now it has happened and I'm lucky we have a great relationship with our post adoption social worker (I know some of you reading this will be pointing out that I'm lucky to even have a post adoption social worker). But I can't fault her, within 24 hours of my calling her she had therapy in place and fully funded, ready to go. Her advice was the same as before, which the SEN team ignored, take KC out of school for a while, let him undergo some serious therapy - school can wait. He can't learn if his head is full of his other stuff anyway - he needs to clear his mind then focus on studying.
There is an obsession to keep kids in school whether it is good for their well being or not - and in this case it wasn't just KC that ended up damaged, but other children as well. I am no doubt going to have social services on my back and the SEN team around my house as my son is categorised as a 'child missing education' but I'll fight for him - he won't go back into a school situation until they fully recognise his behavioural needs as well as his learning needs - he needs to be seen as a whole person, not just a funding requirement.
But my youngest is happy enough - although he begins testing for his needs at the end of next month - but for the time being we will just focus on KC and let TJ trudge along - then we can swap over afterward I hope.
To say I'm exhausted is an understatement.
It was my birthday yesterday - so I chose not to take the exclusion personally and just got on with having a nice meal in our local pizza restaurant (the boy's choice of course!!!!).
Onwards and upwards...
Hello, I’m an adult adoptee, but in the future would like to adopt with my partner. I just wanted to drop in and say your blog, especially posts like this, are so helpful to put across issues that may arise around adoption and early trauma. I’ll definitely be getting my husband to read your journey. I hope KC gets the support he needs at school and in therapy (it took me until early adulthood to feel properly ‘stabilised’ but all the interventions added up to provide the building blocks for stability). It sounds as though you’re doing a wonderful job, all the best xxx
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