Presentations, Tumble Dryers and... Kylie...

Yesterday, Dylan and I were asked to give a presentation to a group of adoption professionals.

When we agreed we thought it would be a small, informal affair - the sort of thing we are used to doing - chatting to would be adopters about our experiences. But a couple of nights before we were told by the organiser that we should pass her our powerpoint presentation and a transcript of the speech... what?!

I had intended to 'wing it' but that wasn't going to be possible. There were going to be a lot of important people there from adoption social workers, to senior family judges and head of adoption charities. Suddenly it was very scary!

So we worked over the weekend (my birthday weekend) and put together a half hour talk accompanied by various images and 'bullet points' - Dylan likes bullet points...

We turned up at Somerset House, a beautiful historical venue in the heart of London - although we were an hour late due to a nasty traffic jam - although we had missed a couple of other speakers we weren't on until later - that didn't stop my heart from beating at a furious pace though.

Eventually we went up and stood in front of this large group of people.

I said my opening lines, 'Good morning, my name is James and this is my partner Dylan... I talk a lot - he doesn't - you might say he's the Bobby to my Cilla...' (I have no idea where that last bit came from - it wasn't scripted but it went down really well). I had huge laugh - I don't think there had been much to laugh about before then. I went on saying how we chose our adoption agency after being turned down by so many purely on the basis that they offered us cake - this also seemed to go down well. After that the script was out of the window and we chatted openly about our experiences, about the ups and downs of adopting siblings and the help they needed - especially the input they required post adoption. As I said, just because the adoption order is signed doesn't mean that any of the problems miraculously disappear...

We spoke (yes, Dylan spoke too) for a good 45 minutes and sat down to a nice round of applause whilst the next speaker came on to talk about data input... as he was sorting out his powerpoint I was asked if I would like to sing something, maybe by Cilla - I was sorely tempted...

We couldn't stay after lunch (childcare is still not really an option for TJ) but we also didn't get to eat anything as so many people wanted to chat with us.

This morning I received a lovely couple of emails from speakers who followed us, both saying how they had changed their prepared speeches in order to reflect on what we had said and to continue to press issues that we had raised - mainly about the availability of good therapy and proactive post adoption support. All too often these areas only come into being when the adoption reaches a crisis.

We came home last night exhausted when Papa passed me a little red envelope - a belated birthday present.

I had made the mistake of saying that we needed a tumble dryer a few days ago and saw Papa frantically tapping away online. So I expected the gift to be the delivery date for the dryer. I have had numerous white good for birthdays before - I once got a Hoover because I 'admired it in the shop window' - I now only 'admire' Bulgari... not that any of that has come my way.

Still I was surprised to see that the envelope didn't contain a receipt for a tumble dryer but instead there were two tickets for tonight's concert by Kylie Minogue at London's O2.

I don't think I looked particularly overwhelmed as Papa said, "But it's not a tumble dryer and we're going to stay the night in a hotel - I've even arranged for the baby sitter to stay over."

Maybe I'm just too old for concerts now... eek! Maybe I just don't like surprises anymore - there is something to be said for anticipation... or maybe I just looked at the huge pile of washing I'm trying to get dry... and wished I had a tumble dryer...

I can be quite difficult to please sometimes...

Facebook and Gay Marriage...

This morning I read a Facebook post that infuriated me - I'm sure the person that posted it didn't mean anything and is a very nice person (I dont actually know them - but thats the problem with Facebook, anything automatically becomes shared and then public property)

Anyway, I wont go into it but the crux of the matter was the gay situation in Singapore - for those of you who don't know, Singapore still outlaws gay relationships - well in particular gay sex and a well meaning person had written that it was unfortunate that the right wing Christians didn't realise that gays were 'created' due to the hardships they suffered in childhood, development issues, abuse and lack of love and I'm afraid I saw red.... and I wrote this:

'As a gay man, partner of over 10 years in a civil partnership and raising two 'damaged' children, I am horrified by some of the comments on this thread and to even suggest that I am gay due to abuse, lack of love etc is frankly ignorant and offensive. I was raised in a church going family, filled with love, my grandfather is a vicar as is my uncle. I battled with my homosexuality because the church taught me it was wrong and therefore I was not worthy. It has taken me a long time to reconcile my faith and accept that this is all part of my journey. I cannot deny who I am as if I did that I would be offending the very God who created me. But I can learn to live in a moral way. I am faithful to my partner,I love my kids, I attend church regularly, am confirmed and have had my children baptised. I don't judge anyone for their beliefs but I won't be told that I am gay because I am in some way damaged... That insults the parents of gay people everywhere.'

For me it was a very personal thing to share but I think it speaks for me and for many who I am sure recognise that their sexuality is not 'caused' by anyone or anything.... maybe some disagree - feel free to tell me why... I love a debate...

Which then brings us on to the issue of gay marriage, which seems a lifetime ahead of the issues currently being debated in Singapore.

I thought about it and actually we should thank the right wing church for denying gay people the right to marry...

When I was single I was able to drop everything and go to New York with my friends - just to meet up for a weekend, I went to the gym, I was healthy and fun loving.

Now don't get me wrong I love Papa with all my heart - but we decided that we would take advantage of the new equality laws and held our Civil Partnership 6 years ago. We then wanted what our straight friends had - a family. So we applied to adopt and were blessed with our two children (whom I also love dearly). But now I have put on at least 3 stone, drink too much ,am constantly stressed and exhausted. Papa and I argue over things like whose turn it is to clip kids toenails and why is there no milk for breakfast. We are constantly tired and broke - with every last penny going on our kids...

Just think if the Right Wing church had their way we would have been spared all this and would be happily attending gay orgies and shopping while listening to Kylie. So the Right Wing Church does love gay people - behind the facade of vitriolic hatred they simply wanted to spare us gays from being as unhappy as they obviously are in their lives!!!!!!

Luckily - I have an amazing support network of friends and family and no matter how bad it gets there is always someone to call or somewhere to go and have a coffee while the kids run screaming in another room. Much better than sitting in a room with other like minded people spewing hatred towards a group of people we have probably never met.

After all what goes around comes around... at least I hope so!

Why do Girls want to Rule the World?

That was the question posed by TJ on Sunday night during the results part of the TV show 'Strictly Come Dancing' on the BBC. TJ had just finished watching Girls Aloud perform their new hit (which seemed to be about Girl Power) and TJ was obviously disturbed by this.

I asked him what he meant. 'Well,' he said, 'Girls get to do everything, they can tell boys what to do, they can be really bossy, they are cleverer than boys and if they hit you you can't hit them back - why don't they let the boys have a chance at ruling the world.' Papa and I smiled and tried to explain to both boys that men had pretty much run the world for ages (probably until the Spice Girls came) and that girls were now taking their turn. 'What about our turn?' said TJ. I had to concede that maybe he does have a point - to a 7 year old we are all equal and now the balance seems to be tipping in the favour of the girls (in his eyes) I guess that will be their battle of the sexes in years to come.

TJ soon put things back into perspective though - 'But girls are rubbish at football,' he declared. 'Actually,' I said (now in full on girl power mode myself) 'lots of girls are very good at football - remember the Olympics and we watched the girls playing better football than the boys?' TJ looked at me in disgust, 'That was just the Olympics', he explained, 'If girls were really good at football they would get paid lots of money like the men and I would have a poster of them.'

If anyone has a poster of the Arsenal ladies football team can they let me know - at least he can have a poster - I can't guarantee that they will be paid the same as their male counterparts though.....

Then Kylie came on. I got a little bit excited... 'Who's that?' said TJ. My turn to look horrified, 'That's Kylie Minogue,' I said, 'The best singer ever!!!!' (I am an unashamed fan).

'Never heard of her' my youngest said.
'But I play her all the time in the car!, I explained.
'I dont listen to that,' came the reply, 'It's rubbish.' I was shocked.... 'And she's really old,' he added. Time for bed I decided!

Then TJ saw the male dancers on the show who were wearing a sort of lacy corset job (very revealing) 'See,' he said despondantly, 'Even she makes the boys wear girls clothes, those poor men.' I actually thought the boys looked very 'happy' in their outfits - but I am biased....

Definately time for bed - so off I went!!!!!!