The Arsenal Cavalier

"I've got fleas - they're multiplying and I'm losing control...."

So sang Lea this morning whilst getting ready for school - I didn't want to correct her as she was showing me the dance she had made up to go along with her favourite song from the musical Grease. It consisted of her scratching under his arms and jumping around like a monkey. I thought it was fairly creative so let her get on with it (such a tomboy!). TJ was suitably impressed giving Lea an 8 out of 10 - believe me, anything above a 5 is good from that little critic! (I did get a 10 for fish fingers once - but that's another story!)

We are coming now to the half term break and both boys are getting excited. Today it is dress up day for TJ and, for once, I remembered. But I couldn't recall what the theme was, I knew it had something to do with their recent trip to Dover castle - TJ's favourite part of the trip was running up the stairs from the dungeons to the top - "What about the rest of the castle?" I asked him. "I don't remember that," he replied, "But I was a really fast runner up the stairs."So much for an educational day out - they could have just as easily taken him to a local high rise and asked him to run to the top and back again - he would have remembered just as much. Although, to be fair, I did get a picture of him from school today sitting on a throne dressed as a King, so he must have stopped running at some point.

Anyway, back to dressing up day. "Do you remember what the teacher said?" I asked TJ. As anyone with small children knows asking them to remember anything is like pulling teeth. "I think I can wear my Arsenal kit," came the reply. "really?" I asked, "Its a sports dress up day is it?"TJ thought just a few seconds too long before saying, "Yes, yes, it's a sports dress up day." Warning signals had gone off. A, he had paused to think and B, there was a mention of Arsenal. TJ has had his Arsenal and football privileges suspended for urinating over another child... when I say urinating he didn't just wee on the other boy's shoe or leg, no, my son sprayed the child from head to foot completely drenching him... the reason? TJ told the other child he wanted to wee on the floor and the other child said he would 'tell on' TJ if he did that - so TJ wee'd on him instead. Great. I was back in school and spent about 20 minutes apologising to the teachers, the boy and his Mum whilst glaring at TJ.

Needless to say this week TJ has been on a tight leash - literally! He has to earn back his football club and kit - and it does seem to have done the trick. Normal rewards and consequences (stickers or the naughty step) just don't work with TJ, so in a way I am secretly pleased that we have finally found something that he really cares about.

So the Arsenal kit was not an option. I quickly gave school a call, yes it was dress up day and the theme was 'Castles!' That made sense and we had bought TJ a Cavalier suit a little while ago. "Its too small." He cried as we tried it on, "And the hat's too big. Can't I wear my Arsenal kit.""They didn't have football kits in the old days, I said, "They wore stuff like this." "But I hate it!" he cried again. "This is supposed to be fun!!!" I yelled at him, "Now get dressed and have fun!"

"Can I take my sword then?" he asked once we had calmed down, "No, school said no swords." I replied. "How can I have fun without a sword!" he yelled at me... this was not going to be an easy morning.

Eventually, we all toddled off to school, TJ clutching his dressing up clothes for after lunch and Lea led the way practising her song to show her teacher. I hope the teacher likes the song and I pray that TJ keeps his clothes on....

Great Fire of London - Panic!

Apologies for not posting yesterday - my eldest has decided it would be great fun to infect the entire family with a strain of flu as yet unrecognised by medical science. He had it for one day... then was fine and skipping off to street dance followed by tag rugby (I am desparate to combine those two) but left the rest of us, particularly Papa and myself, suffering horribly - probably for weeks on end. TJ got up this morning and began to sneeze. 'Uh-oh,' he said, 'I'd better stay at home today so you can look after me.' As 'looking after' means he lies in bed demanding the world on a plate (well his meals at least) I decided he would be better off at school!

Yesterday was dreadful. I began with the flu in the morning and everything seemed to take on a life of its own. I got up late - I just couldn't seem to operate the shower and shaving took forever. Then I got the boys up - by now we were running late anyway. KC wanted porridge for breakfast - so I got that on, with a happy smile as the milk boiled over in the microwave. We had a rushed breakfast and I sent the kids up to get dressed. KC got dressed really quickly, so he could feed the rabbits before school - he is very consienscious  where they are concerned - ask him to do homework and it's another matter! TJ came down the stairs fully dressed. Then time seemed to stand still as he suddenly said, 'Why am I in my school uniform? Today is dress up day!'

I looked at him and my jaw hit the floor - at the same time I heard the bin men coming up the street - 4 hours early!!!! I told TJ to get upstairs and take his clothes off. I then shot past a stunned KC who was happily feeding rabbits my new brussels sprouts (he hates brussels sprouts and obviously thinks I haven't noticed that they keep disappearing out of the fridge) into the garage to collect the two weeks worth of recycling and get it outside - just as the truck was pulling up to our house. 'Wait...  please!' I implored the binmen. They did so, luckily, as I pulled out three bags of fortnightly waste. They stood and watched me struggle down the drive - they can't collect it from anywhere but the kerbside. As I put it down the bin man said 'We thought we would do your street first for a change.' I looked up the street and it was full of half dressed men and women rushing their bin bags down to the road waving at me. I was doing my bit by holding the eager bin men up.

Then I remembered TJ and that we were already late for school. I raced in to find him lying naked on his bedroom floor examining an insect bite on his bottom. 'I think I've been bitten by a vampire.' he told me. Why any vampire would want to bite him there escapes me. I didn't dwell on it. 'Get dressed,' I yelled. 'Into what?' he yelled back.

I was perplexed....

Then I remembered that today they were focussing on the Great Fire of London and  luckily KC did that the year before so I raced into his room and pulled out the costume from last year - a mish mash of three quarter velvet knickerbockers, black football socks, a white shirt and black waistcoat - topped off with school shoes and a flat cap!  TJ put them on in record time and as quickly as they went on, they fell off. TJ is still very small for his age and KC's clothes literally fell off him. So I ran and grabbed safety pins and began pinning the clothes wherever I could. TJ looked at me, 'Why are you sweating?' he asked - 'Because I am running around after you!" I replied - probably unfairly. 'I don't care about dressing up, I wanted to wear my Arsenal kit.' he said scornfully. How much easier that would have been.

But I bundled both boys out the door and we ran to school.

I dropped them at the gate and breathed. Then I remembered my car was in for its service in 6 minutes time and my friend who was meeting me at the garage so we could go for coffee was now calling me to find out where I was. I ran back home. I got to the garage and my friend said, 'You look really hot, is everything ok?'

I dont think she was prepared for the barage of abuse that came from my mouth - but she bought me a coffee anyway....

Anyway it was nothing compared to what Papa got when he got in that evening. 'Did you send that email?' he asked. 'I'm sorry, I forgot, I have been really busy today.' I replied as I was cooking his dinner.

'Busy doing what?' he said sarcastically, 'We havent got a trampoline anymore for you to play on....' . I think he thought this was funny - he soon realised it wasn't....