LGBT Adoption and Fostering Week - Thank You

Well, I've had my break and now its back to work.

And what a week to come back to work on - the launch of LGBT Fostering and Adoption Week which highlights the great work being done by groups such as New Family Social, BAAF and Adoption UK.

Coming back from Singapore, where being gay is still illegal and the idea of adoption by same sex couples a mere fantasy it seems strange to suddenly be over run with positive gay messages and stories of gay families.

It made me think how lucky we are - and that we should never take that for granted. Our children may not see themselves as lucky, after all why would they?- no child wants to be removed from their birth family, for whatever reason, no child wants to go into foster care and no child wants to wait for their forever family. It is we, the adults, who are the lucky ones. We have been able to adopt two amazing little boys and make them our own. we have been able to give them their forever home. After all, by the time they came to us they were considered 'unadoptable' by the social workers - they were both over 4 years old, both boys, both had suffered unspeakable abuse, both had different needs and they were a sibling pair.

Who would take that on?

Well, we did. There are times I think we must have been mad - but by struggling through the crazy world of adoption together we have become a strong family unit. Yes, there are times when the boys will say they hate me, or they want to live with another family, or they hate each other - its all documented here. But there are also times when we just sit together, when we are quiet and a little hand will put my arm around his shoulder so he can have a hug - he would never ask for a hug - but I know he needs it. It's moments like that that make everything worthwhile.

I can't help but think that the boys are lucky to live in a tolerant society whre they did get an opportunity to experience a family life - whatever that family make-up may be. If we hadn't been able to adopt them I think they would still be in foster care, actually I don't think it - I know it.

So thank you to everyone who fought to make LGBT adoption a reality in this country. I thank you and one day, our children will thank you - they may not realise it today but one day they will acknowledge that the alternative to 'having two dads' may just have been too awful for them to bear.

So, today I'll let them shout at me and 'hate' me for not letting them play their computer games at the breakfast table... but at the same time, I'll be thankful that I have the opportunity to experience the ups and downs of parenting.

And to anyone who is thinking of adopting - I strongly urge you to give it a go!

An 'Inspirational Post' for LGBT Adoption and Fostering Week

When I was asked to contribute to the BAAF blogpost for LGBT Adoption and Fostering Week, I was also asked if I could make it ‘inspirational’ – “No problem,” I said, “If you need an inspirational piece about being a gay parent then I’m your man!”

Then I sat down to write. But as soon as I sat at the keyboard my youngest son, TJ, decided that now was a good time to tell me that he needed an alien costume for school – tomorrow! Of course, he hadn’t told me when school did, two weeks ago, and, of course, he had lost the letter telling panicked parents exactly what the plans for ‘Alien Day’ were.

So I did what any good parent would do – I got on Facebook and messaged other parents at the school to find out what I needed to do.

“It can be anything, a robot, an alien, an astronaut – the theme is space and you can either rent a costume or make one – but there was a big ‘no’ if you thought you could simply paint your child’s face green and send them in ‘normal clothes – the school wants authenticity!”

I thought that if any alien came to Earth then surely they would do as much as possible to blend in and I was half tempted to send TJ to school in uniform with a note explaining our point of view… Or was I just being lazy?

So we pulled out cardboard boxes and tin foil, paper glue and toilet roll tubes – I felt like I was finally becoming the Blue Peter presenter I had always dreamed of being.

Two hours later my happy little boy was dressed as a cardboard robot and we had had a great time making it together.

Now I had to go back to writing this piece whilst he walked around me shouting ‘exterminate’ and zapping the unsuspecting dog with his ‘laser gun’ (A toilet roll with a lolly stick as a handle).

I couldn’t help but smile at him and at the joy on his face.

And that was my inspiration for this piece.

Gay parenting is no different to parenting. You will experience the same highs, the same lows – yes, adopted children have many more issues but they also bring as much joy.

Don’t be afraid of being a parent. There will be curious stares at the school gate, particularly if, like us, you don’t live in London, there will be difficult conversations about why you are not married to a woman and asking if you and Papa are brothers. You will have all that and my advice is always to be honest, if they are old enough to ask then they are old enough to be told the truth.

But at the end of the day (a horrid cliché I know) it’s the actual having of a family that is the inspiration and I can only hope that by raising awareness of LGBT Adoption and Fostering that more children will be brought into safe, loving, homes where they can experience something that every child has a right to – a loving family.

I hope that’s inspirational enough!

Fisrt published on the BAAF Website : http://www.baaf.org.uk/blog/inspirational-post