Puppies, Grapes and Leaving Home...

It's been a hectic few days, which resulted in my missing my weekly post - hopefully I can make up for it this week!

It's been mainly the dogs that have caused us worry this week.

Our eldest dog, the toothless Cairn, managed to grow an ulcer, on her eye, it wasn't pleasant. Poor thing. After two weeks of treatment at the local vet he decided that we were going to have to see the specialist, so we drove thirty miles to the nearest pet hospital and they decided to operate there and then. The ulcer was removed and a contact lense placed on the eye to help it heal - I never realised they made contact lenses for dogs - luckily we had maintained her insurance as the bill would have ensured that Christmas was cancelled otherwise.

On the same morning the puppy, bonkers Cocker, decided to get into the fruit bowl and consume about half a kilo of grapes - I blamed the boys to begin with then found all the stalks under the coffee table. Whilst the vet was looking at the toothless Cairn I mentioned in passing what the puppy had done. I laughed... he didn't. 'You need to bring her in as soon as you get home," he said with a worrying tone, "That amount of grapes is potentially fatal."

I had no idea that grapes were so toxic. So I raced the puppy back to the vet and she stayed there all day having her stomach pumped and being induced to vomit.

It was a fun day in the Williams' household that day.

The vet continued telling me that it wasn't just grapes that were toxic to dogs, but raisins and alcohol as well - especially fruit cake. She had better not go near my Christmas cake - after three months of being 'fed' I think there is more brandy than fruit in it.

And now it's advent!

Both boys have dealt with Christmas with difficulty over the past few years - can you believe this is their fourth with us! It's also the first one where it feels like Christmas is coming.

TJ won't allow anything about Christmas to be mentioned before December the first - he gets quite angry when he sees people put their decorations up before then - I think he may be a member of the advent police.

Both boys have their birthdays this month as well, so despite being very expensive, it's also quite emotional for them both. Add to that the fact that they came to live with us just after Christmas, then seeing the tree go up can trigger off quite a few emotions.

This weekend, TJ decided he wanted to find a new family. One without any children where there would just be him. For most children I'm sure this is a usual occurence, I remember running away when I was about 9 and going to my friends house and eating jam sandwiches. I was home for tea - but at least I showed my parents I was serious about going.

But for TJ its different, he has had a few families, birth, various foster and now his forever family. But what is forever to an 8 year old? If TJ wants a new family then in his mind that is a reality that could actually happen.

We decided to treat it with humour. He presented me with his packed bags first thing in the morning, I asked him what he was going to eat. He decided not to leave until after breakfast.

After breakfast he remembered it was Sunday roast dinner - chicken, his favourite, he decided to stay for that. In between KC was jubilant, TJ was going and because letters to Santa had already been written then KC would also get all of TJ's presents. KC was practically pushing his younger brother out of the door.

I could see things were going too far. So I took TJ upstairs and sat with him. "Why do you want to leave?" I asked, "You know that we will all be very sad to see you go?"
"No you won't," he said quite calmly, "You are always telling me off and making me do stuff I don't like - like tidying my room and homework."
"Everyone has to do those," I said, "Even in this 'new' family"
"They won't," he said, "Because they want a little child and they will love me and give me everything I want."

Suddenly I thought I was being blackmailed.

"Well," I said, "Think of all the things we already do for you - cooking your meals, buying you clothes, taking you to football and to the park - and playing with your brother - won't you miss all that?"

He thought about it. "I'll come back to visit , " he said, "And I'll come back for Christmas."

"But what happens if your new family move away - or we do?" I asked him.

He thought about it - but didn't have an answer, then KC popped his head around the door, he'd obviously been listening in. "You're not really going are you?" he asked his brother. Even in KC's mind it was a real possibility that his younger brother could leave.

"He's coming down for lunch," I told him deciding this conversation was coming to an end.

We had lunch and at the end of it TJ made his announcement."I've decided to stay," he declared, "because Daddy is the bestest cook in the world."

This morning he shot out of bed with a spring! "It's advent!" he shouted, "Where's my calendar - I want to eat chocolate!!!!"

So the way to man's heart is definately via his stomch!!!!!!

Hooray for Sports Camp!

'Hooray for Sports Camp!'

That was the cry that went out this morning as the boys got ready to head off to the local primary school to attend a two day half term sports camp. Only the cry came from me. The boys did not want to go...

I was stunned.

They had spent the past three days sitting inside and moaning about ... well, about everything. The weather has been horrible so we haven't been able to go out and do anything we had planned. Throw a bored elderly dog and a hyperactive puppy into the mix and you have a recipe for an incredibly stressful few days. Stressful for all of us.

We did the craft and the colouring and the obligatory jigsaws and the entertainment pack. In the end I resorted to TV to keep them amused. I know thousands of parents the world over have just judged me - I don't care - I needed a break and so did they - TV gave them that. We don't have satellite or cable, just the free to air channels - so they sat watching cartoons, with lengthy commercial breaks that gave them enough time to fight in between.

So I booked them into sports camp. I thought they would be thrilled. They weren't.

KC was on his best behaviour. "What's going on?" I asked him as he helped clear away the breakfast things. ""I'm being good so you don't send me to camp," he said. "You will love it once you are there," I told him. "But I want to stay home and watch TV and play my DS all day. I'll be so quiet you wont even notice I'm here," he promised.

Whilst it's nice to know they want to stay at home, this dad was not for turning. "I've paid for it now," I explained, "And anyway you need to go and run around."

"Do I have to have a packed lunch?" TJ asked, "I don't like packed lunches."

This was the first I was hearing of this - from the sandwich king of the universe.

"Think of it as a picnic," I said.

"What if it rains?" came the smart Alec reply.

"Then its a picnic indoors!" I retorted.

We went. They dawdled. Then when they saw their friends, who's parents had all obviously given up, just like me, they raced ahead and ran into the school hall leaving me clutching two dogs and a packed lunch. I handed the packed lunch in and left without even a goodbye from the boys. At least they were happy.

Mind you, yesterday, TJ went to his piano leson and, with KC watching, he played his first duet with his piano teacher - with mixed chords and everything. I was so proud I can tell you I shed a tear. He finished and he was so happy and proud of himself. Even KC gave him a round of applause.

As we left KC turned to me and said, "Can I learn to play a musical instrument, like a guitar? Then TJ and I can start our own pop group?"

"Sure," I said and promised I would look into it - which I will, after all I am a firm beleiver that music is therapeutic and who knows, one day I may be watching them receive their first gold disc!

Adventures with the puppy...

After the last post I decided to venture into an area a little less serious - that of our puppy.

She is growing and, unfortunately, she is also managing to jump even higher.

Yesterday I made a cake for the boys' tea, I placed it on the hob and turned around to close the oven door. When I turned back the puppy was already on the hob (which wasn't turned on) and eating her way into a freshly baked orange drizzle cake that must have been still close to the 180degrees that the oven was set to. She didn't seem bothered and despite my telling her off she just carried on eating.

Afterwards I surveyed the mess that was my bake off challenge and decided the best thing to do was cut the top third off, ice it and not say anything. So that's what I did. Except this being the age of social media I couldn't help but put a picture of the resulting mess up on Facebook - 153 hits later and hubby definately knew about the cake. Luckily the kids didn't and they tucked in with abandon after their evening meal.

After dinner I had to log onto to an online revision site for my upcoming exam in psychology - such fun! As I tried to listen to the lecturer and ignore the hundreds of 'chat messages' from fellow students who all wanted to be re-assured that they were indeed going to pass the exam despite having full time jobs and families, I also had to manage the puppy, who has decided she will never leave my side - or in this case my lap. Trying to type with a dog trying to leap onto you is not easy. Needless to say, I didn't take much part in the chat sessions but used the time to try and focus on the areas that need the most revision. This seemed to involve starting three weeks ago - oops!

I haven't taken a written exam since my schooldays, so I am pretty nervous but, apparently, with the right amount of revision I will be ok. Then why did they schedule the exam the day after half term? The poor boys will be spending their days at pony clubs and fottball camp whilst I try to revise.

I wonder whether the puppy can go with them?

This morning the puppy decided the boys' rabbit was her bestest friend in the world ever! The rabbit wasn't too sure, particularly when puppy managed to open rabbit's cage (I still don't know how) and had her head in the rabbit's dinner bowl (I spend a fortune on puppy food and I could easily have just shared the rabbit pellets). The rabbit wasn't too happy and hopped out and it all would have been fine if he then hadn't decided to run. The next five minutes were spent with the dog chasing the rabbit and me chasing the dog - the rabbit found a spot behind the garage and barracaded himself in. It took me twenty minutes of coaxing to get him to come out and pop him in his run (puppy safe!)

We have just come back from our walk and luckily she is worn out - as am I. Although I know it wont be for long!

Wish me luck!

Whos' Going?

That was a question that completely took me by surprise yesterday... let me elaborate.

Yesterday I had had enough of the puppy. Puppies are very cute - they have lovely faces and gorgeous eyes. They like to be cuddled and sit on your lap licking your fingers - they are beautiful.

They also poo and wee on everything. A lot! And ours is no exception...

Yesterday, I needed to get some work done. I needed to sit and write and also to revise for my upcoming exam - my second years end of years exams in Psychology. I haven't taken an exam in 20years... I'm very scared!

But, my tutor reassured me, set out a revision timetable and stick to it. A little bit a day is better than cramming. Add into the mix a looming deadline for the book and an accompanying proposal and you can see why I saw a full day of being able to work at home as a blessing.

The puppy saw it differently. She saw it as a full day of having me at home - someone to play with.

So I took her out for not one but two long walks - to tire her out. They didn't.

I kept an eye on her all day, making sure she didn't chew anything dangerous and putting her outside at regular intervals to do her 'business'.

Every time of course I put her outside, she wouldn't go - opting to do her business on the floor as soon as I brought her in. I soon stank of disinfectant.

By the time the boys came home from school she had wee'd and poo'd on everything and I had managed to get very little work done. The boys promised they would watch her whilst they watched some TV.

They didn't.

I heard, "Daddy, the puppy's poo'd on the rug."

I came downstairs in a rage. "I've had enough," I bellowed, "You are going back!" I pointed at the now contrite puppy.

"Who's going back?" KC asked.

"The puppy," I said , still not comprehending what he meant.

"Oh, I thought you were sending me or TJ away," he said quietly, "That's what grown ups do when they get bored of children, they send them back into care."

I was astounded. Where had this come from?

KC didn't seem upset or anything, he said it as if this was just a normal thing to expect.

"What do you mean?" I asked, "no-one is sneding anyone away, I'm just cross with the puppy, that's all."

"If no-on sent their children into care then there wouldn't be anyone for you to adopt," KC went on, "I'm just saying..." (thats his phrase of the week).

I looked at TJ who was staring at me from over the arm of the sofa.

I sighed. "No-one is sending anyone away, sometimes I get mad at the puppy but no matter how mad I get I would never send you away. Do you understand?"

"But would you send the puppy away?" TJ asked.

"Of course not, " I replied, "I just need to housetrain her thats all."

"Did you have to housetrain me?" TJ said.

"No, " I replied, 'Luckily you did that bit yourself." I didn't mention the mess on the toilet floor i cleaned up this morning...

I made a note to watch what I say. It seems strange that after over three years with us they still don't fully believe that this is their 'forever' home - whatever forever means to an 8 year old? But we just have to keep reassuring them and, hopefully, one day it will stick...

Oh well, it looks as though the puppy is staying after all...

Puppy Mother's Day

Its a wierd title but it will soon become clear what I mean.

I have blogged about the boy's attitude to Mother's Day before - and this year they seem much 'cooler' about the whole thing - or so I thought...

As you know, we became the proud owners of a little puppy on Sunday and she has been absolutely fine. She tends to chew everything, but I think thats common for most puppies. Oddly enough, although we have had other dogs (and still have an older one) they have all come from rescue centres, so this is our first 'puppy experience' and its a definite learning curve!

When we went to pick her up I was concerned as to how the puppy would travel in the car, so had taken a box, lined with newspaper for the journey.

Of course, I had forgotten that my eldest son is practically an animal whisperer - they all love him - he sat in the car with the puppy on his lap and she went immediately to sleep and travelled like that all the way home.

Whilst we were coming home we discussed a name for the puppy. I was opting for Toffee - as she is caramel coloured, Papa wanted Daisy (no idea why - probably a Downton Abbey type thing - he always identifies with 'below stairs'), TJ wanted Maisie and KC suddenly said, "We should call her Gracie, after her mum."

I said that I didn't think that was a good idea, that puppies should have their own names.

To which he replied, "But we are taking her away from her mum - she might never see her again, surely she will want to remember her." I caught Papa's eye and we both knew this was one of those conversations - a rare moment where KC talks about his Mum.

The door had been opened, by him, we decided to let him walk through it.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well," he said, "I can remember when TJ and were taken into care. TJ cried and cried but I didn't. I knew I had to be brave - the lady in the car said I had to be brave, just like the puppy. I didn't cry I just stared out of the window while the lady held TJ. I wish I could have slept like the puppy did. But I was very scared that I wouldn't see my Mummy again."

I was a bit shell shocked - this was massive. I had only ever heard KC talking like this once before when he was telling our best friend's son what it was like to be adopted and how scary it was to suddenly have to go to a new family. Here he was talking about the puppy but essentially telling us about himself.

TJ was indignant, "I didn't cry!" he said,.
"Yes you did," said KC, " you cried a lot - but you always cry a lot."

"Every time we went to a new foster carer TJ would cry and I would stare until we got there." They had an number of moves but luckily they were with their final foster carer for a long period of time, which allowed them to settle.

"I just want to call her Gracie so she can remember her Mum", KC went on, "It is Mother's Day this week after all."

Papa and I agreed that as it was the boys' dog then they both had to agree on a name. "I want to call her Gracie too," said TJ - so that was it. Gracie came home with us.

I didn't think Mother's Day was such a big issue this year but on Monday I got a call from KC's school - there had been a Mothers Day assembly and he was obviously distressed as each of the Year 6 children got up and said how amazing their mother's were. I asked KC about it later and he said, I was only crying because everytime they talked about their mum's I changed the word to Dad in my head and I thought of you - and that made me cry."

It made me cry a bit too...

Parent Evenings and Puppies

Its been a busy few days - as you will see,

Last week was parents evening for both boys. Both boys are doing so well - I nearly cried, one set of teachers did - but it was so comforting to know that by putting the boys into different schools we were in fact helping them to progress and move on from their past experiences.

TJ went first. He was concerned that his teacher would tell me the truth. And she did... He was doing really well. He had matured much more since his brother moved on to the other school. There were no more breakdowns or tantrums and, as such, his reading was almost at his chronological level and he was making such progress in his maths that he was actually ahead of where he was supposed to be. His English was another matter but that will come - he was so proud of himself.

On Friday it was KC's turn. I went out to his independent school and had an hour long chat with his teachers. The session opened with 'Well, he's certainly not Perfect Peter..." I must have looked downfallen as she quickly added "but his progress is nothing short of miraculous." He had settled, wasn't messing around and, despite his learning issues, was progressing. He talked about being adopted and living with Daddy and Papa - he even gave a short presentation to his class about his experiences - as the teacher told me she started to cry. "He is so happy to have you two," she said. That was it all three teachers were crying. I took them back to the matter in hand - his education. Of course, he's nowhere near the 'average' yet but he is on his way. They also pointed out that his future education was something we had to think about as KC, in their opinion, wouldn't be able to cope if we put him back into a class of 30 when the time comes. I had to break that news to Ppa over the weekend. He took it very well - considering...

I know we have been accused of creating a 'social experiment' with the two boys - but in reality our (and their) lives are so much easier and make much more sense. We didn't split them up (as was suggested by numerous social workers) but by enabling them to live their own lives independently but still come together as brothers afterwards, I think we have given them the space to grow.

Of course, we are lucky that we can (just about) afford to do this and hopefully, one day the boys will thank us for it.

So, as a treat we took the boys horse riding at the weekend - we have a great equine therapy stables a short drive away and the way the boys have interacted with the animals has been brilliant. TJ wasn't keen to ride, I think he needs to be reminded how it all works, but KC was off and away.

Afterwards we went to see the therapist's dog - who had a litter of puppies. One puppy leapt into KC's lap and then ran around chasing TJ. The boys were so happy. Of course there followed a 'Can we have the puppy?" pleading session. Papa said we needed to think about it - so they immediately turned their pester power onto me - after all I'm usually the one who gives in. But I had 'the look' off Papa so knew I had better agree with him.

Anyway, that whole evening was spent chatting to the boys about how it would be their dog, how I would have to look after our older dog (who I'm sure will be glad of the break) and that they would have to walk her and feed her and pick up her poop etc.

KC thought about it and said, "Well, it is a lot of responsibility, so I'm not sure - I'll have to think about it."

TJ just wanted a puppy.

Next morning KC came into our room and said, "I've thought about it and I think I'm ready for a puppy. But I want to help pay for it." He then offered Papa all of his 'ang pow' from Chinese New Year - he had about £50 left.

I nearly cried. But true to his word, Papa agreed and as of Sunday night we became the proud owners of a new cockerpoo, who the boys have named Gracie - after her mother (as its Mother's Day this week) but that's another post...