How Did I Miss National Adoption Week? Oops!

Blimey - how did that happen.
It's November!!!!!

I've just been catching up on all the National Adoption Week News, we were away for it this year, our first trip to Malta, and I have to say that if you are looking for a laid back, family holiday then Malta really delivers. After the few weeks we have had it was lovely just to relax as a family and remember that adoption is only part of who we all are and that, despite all the problems, the boys are struggling just as much as we are with everything and that they need a break from it all as well.

It was lovely to see KC run off with some other children his own age and... smile! I don't think he has smiled for a long time. The problem with school is it doesn't allow children to be just that... children.
The jump from primary to secondary education can just be a step too far for many children but for children with significant difficulties it can be really difficult.

We kept both boys at the same school from primary into senior - it seems to be working for TJ but KC struggled, as you know.

Homeschooling does seem to work in some ways - he is definitely more relaxed, but I know its not the solution to our problems - he needs to learn how to socialise properly and, more importantly, appropriately.

So I have to provide a series of reports to prove to the LA that his EHC Plan now needs adjusting to take into account his emotional needs rather than his educational ones.

It was funny that the Post Adoption Social Worker called me this week to ask for advice to help another family in a similar position to ours - but thats adoption for you - we are all just muddling along, hoping somehow the answers will suddenly appear.

I had mixed feelings about the theme for this year's National Adoption week, if I remember rightly, it was sibling groups back in 2014 as well - but now, three years later, I sometimes feel like saying - 'don't do it - sibling placements don't work!"

Then I watched the boys playing together over the holidays and perhaps I changed my mind - for a while...

The Unexpected Post...

Today's post was supposed to be about the success of National Adoption Week, about the National Adoption Awards and the fun we had followed by a successful presentation to would be adopters with the LGBT group Spectrum at Barclays.

I say supposed to be...

As I was putting my notes together this morning there was knock at the door - the postman - he usually delivers the registered letters and parcels for everyone in the street to me, as I'm the only one at home all day. We joke that I run the sorting office for the entire street. Its not a funny joke but we make it every time.

But this time I had to sign for a letter for myself and Dylan (I'm using his name now - so he doesn't feel like chopped liver). I sat down and opened it and onto the kitchen counter fell a picture of a beautiful little girl. I then opened the rest of the letter. I didn't need to read it. I knew who it was.

It was the first picture we had seen of the boys' sister in nearly 5 years - the only picture we had previously was one in their life story book of a grinning baby.

As I said in a previous post, the social workers had managed to misplace our contact agreements and as far as the sister's family knew we didn't want to have anything to do with them. However, that has all been resolved and we agreed to swap photos and letters once a year. I had sent mine off last month and today theirs arrived.

It was a lovely photo of a beamingly happy little girl who was the mix of both of her brothers - she had KC's incredible hair colour - the hairdresser is always telling him that 'people pay to have their hair coloured like yours!" and TJ's cheeky little grin.

I looked at the photo of the little girl with a fat dog in her lap and cried. I just cried - ridiculous - but there it is.

I am one of three - myself, my brother and our baby sister - just like our kids. My only thought was - what would have happened if my brother and I had been separated from our sister (whom I love dearly).  We are even similar in age gaps.

Of course, the sister is completely happy and probably blissfully unaware of two brothers she has never met - but to the boys? I'm not sure - they know about her. We have talked about her and they have asked after her. Now we shall sit down with them and chat about this picture and how happy she is without yet knowing if and when they can meet - and should they meet? Would it be more damaging? Are we going to get family jealousy - 'Why didn't I live with her parents?' etc - is this constant sense of insecurity peculiar to adoptive parents alone?

I'm forever concerned that my boys will one day wake up and realise that I'm a fraud and have no idea how to be a parent.

As National Adoption Week has focussed on siblings this week I think it is also pertinent to look at those that can't be together and the incredible job of the adoptive parents to manage that contact - as was said at the awards on Tuesday, brothers and sisters are all we have once our parents have gone - they are our immediate family and that bond will and should always remain.

To be honest, I don't really speak to my brother now - he distanced himself when the adoption went through - whatever his reasons are I know one day we will all need each other again.

But for now...

I think I want another child...

Maybe I'm just being sentimental...

Maybe...