Monday, 20 May 2013

Beyond IDAHO

.. Firstly I can't believe how successful that last blog post was - I can only thank people for their support in sharing it and for taking the time to write back. There were some truly lovely messages - especially via the facebook page. (I know it can be difficult commenting on here - hence the facebook link).

I think what has surprised me most about the success of our story is simply because that is all it is, our story. I don't want to change the world just let people know that being a multi cultural gay family can really work. We have the same ups and downs as anybody else, although sometimes with more dramatic results I guess and some of our 'issues' have to be handled differently but we just get on with life.

This was always intended to be a light hearted take on our lives and I hope I have kept it that way (excusing the occasional rant - but that's parenting!). I just hope I have kept it honest...

This weekend was an interesting one, our youngest son TJ has had to grounded again. his time for misdemeanors in school. Not only is our youngest now telling the teachers what he wants to do and refusing to do anything that he doesn't want to but he has also taken his anger out on other children in his class - I won't go into details but he is pretty lucky not to have been suspended... I have done my utmost to remain calm when school called me in for the third time on Friday... I take my hats off to his teachers for their ongoing patience. The upshot was that TJ didn't get to go to the movies with Papa on Saturday (their weekly Papa/son time) he got to stay at home with me and together we made 'I'm sorry' cupcakes for his teachers at school. To be honest, I think he had quite a good time - he got to crack the eggs and measure the ingredients and, most importantly, whilst we were baking we had time to chat. To talk about how he was angry all the time but he didn't know why. He wasn't angry with me or Papa - just everybody else... and especially school because they told him what to do... and especially the Sprog... which took me by surprise... Their bond is usually the strongest, but this is a week that has seen TJ in constant trouble and Sprog doing really well in school.

I suppose much of his anger towards those who tell him what to do must stem back to his time in care, the fact that he had no control over where he went or where he lived. As he settles he is now hitting back at the system,  of course, he doesn't know he is doing this, but he is trying, I think,to show that he can have some control over his own life. Unfortunately, that doesn't play out too well in a school setting.

Someone did talk to me about home schooling. Apparently a lot of adopted children benefit greatly from the removal of the constraints of school. I can see that argument, especially at the moment, but I also fear that he would then miss out on the social side of school and also, in my opinion, he has to come to terms with the idea of rules...

My only other reason for removing him from school would be discrimination... He is a child with attachment issues, additional needs, living in a 'modern' family... But I think that is a long way off....

Now back to answering emails from the Facebook page... I hope to see you there!

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