Food, Glorious, Food?

This morning opened ominously...

It began like this... Papa turned over in bed and said, "you won't be offended if I say something, will you?"

As soon as your partner says that you know you are going to be massively upset... 

"Go on," I replied.

"Promise you won't get offended."

"Just say it!" I said.

"Ok, but erm... Are you planning on losing weight?" 

I was now bloody offended... But couldn't show it... 

"Of course I am," I replied... And then rolled over to begin my morning filled with self loathing and bitterness about the young beautiful me that no longer existed... It was enough to make me reach for a bacon roll... I didn't, I made a full English breakfast instead... 

This obsession with food all began with Nigel Slater and his daily tv show about cooking with whatever is left in your fridge... By Friday he was showing us the delicious baguette stuffed with left over lamb and almonds and whatever fancy stuff he had in his well stocked fridge. I kind of lost it with the tv... And when Papa came in from work it was to see me standing with the fridge door open shouting, 'look at my fridge! Show me what bloody delicacy you can make from that..." I was revealing to Nigel the entire contents of our fridge which consisted of a half eaten tub of Philadelphia cheese (with chives) and a bottle of wine.

Obviously Nigel Slater doesn't live with two small gannets, I mean children, who simply vacuum everything that isolated in front of them!

So Papa ordered a take away while I opened the wine. I always think fish and chips should be washed down with a good Sauvignon...

Yesterday was The Saturday Supermarket run... And I was going to stock up my fridge fully for the entire week, just as Nigel suggests.... It was a lot of fun planning meals for the entire week and shopping fully prepared, without running the risk of throwing stuff into the trolley just because the kids 'absolutely need it' or its their 'favourite!'

How the hell did you spend £200!" Said Papa at the till... Mind you he was clutching a Superman dress up outfit and a computer game... Never take children shopping on a Saturday with an easily swayed Papa... "It's the cost of food," I told him, ignoring his extra purchases...

Obviously, it's all my fault....  I am eating too much and spending too much money... So the idea of my diet will serve two functions... A thinner, less angry me and a reduced food bill.... 

Until then I shall practice my "of course I'm not offended' face..... 

Positive TV....

There seems to have been a spate of positive gay couples on reality TV this week - particularly on kids tv.

I don't normally let the kids watch TV in the morning, not because I think it is too bad but simply because the minute it is turned on then it is very hard to pull the Sprog away and get him to do anything else.

I suppose that is mainly due to his early birth experiences, as a child he was locked in a room often with just the TV and TJ for company - either that or he was placed in front of the set whilst the 'grown ups' did their 'stuff' (I have a feeling that watching TV was a lot more about finding comfort and soothing away the 'bad things' - As I have said before the Sprog has an ability to 'replay' his favourite TV shows and movies in his head. Originally this was to protect him from the 'bad things' but unfortunately it now gets in the way of her everyday learning as if he can't understand anything that's going on he simply shuts down and 'watches TV in his head'. It took us a long time to work that one out.... And as my mother pointed out - they experiences they have in early childhood are often very hard to break. Something that Sprog's therapist also confirmed this morning.

Anyway, this week I agreed to let the kids watch some TV in the morning - whilst I sorted my own stuff out. We don't have Sky or cable so they are limited to the three 'free to air' children's channels - they see this as some form of child abuse but as I pointed out to them when I was young children's TV only ran from 3 till 5.30 and on Saturday mornings - they thought that was positivily stone age. Even in the summer holidays we only had TV for a short while - mainly 'Why Don't You' and re-runs of Scooby Doo. I don' know how my Mum coped - although she says she simply opened the front door and pushed us outside - whether we wanted to go or not!

So the kids sat down in front of CBBC and began to watch a show called 'Marrying Mum and Dad" - the premise being that the children in the house get to organise their parents wedding (although in my day most people got married before they had the kids - I seem to have turned into my mother again....) Anyway, the show is quite sweet and the children obviously enjoy it. My two hadn't seen it before and on this day the episode was about three kids orgnising a 'spy themed' wedding for their two Dads. Which was great.... Sprog in particular loved it. By the end of the programme he was offering to organise a wedding for Papa and I. 'But we are already married," I told her. "No you're not," came the reply, "You can't be because David Cameron only said you could last month!"

I was about to explain that we had a civil partnership but to be honest I was amazed that he knew who David Cameron was but also that she had actually listened to the news - its amazing what they take in.

I gave in, "Ok," I said, "If we get married properly then you can organise it."

The Sprog was so pleased. He then stopped and said, "Right, I have to learn to write now so I can write a letter to the programme." Wow! another motivation to help our dyslexic child... I think.

Then last night on the Great British Bake Off (my favourite show) Sprog walked into the room just as they were introducing one of the male contestants and his husband... He watched and then said, "I wonder what sort of wedding they had?" He then added mysteriously, "But it won't be as good as the one I am going to do for you and Papa!"

As the Sprog is obsessed with animals and snakes I have a horrible feeling it might take place in the reptile house at London Zoo....

My cousin is a wedding planner - I may be sending Sprog off for some work experience!