"What would my name be if I was really yours?"
This was the question KC gave me just before he got into bed last night.
I was suddenly stumped - why do kids always ask these things at bedtime? Do they really want an answer? Is it something that has been troubling them all day? Or do they simply not want to go to bed?
My guess was that this was something thay had been on his mind for a while and he was waiting for the right time.
I sat on the end of the bed - preparing for a long discussion.
"Well, the first thing to get out of the way," I began, "Is that you are 'really' ours - you're not going anywhere, this is your family and we love you very much. Okay?"
"Okay" he replied, "I know all that but if you had me as a baby then what would you have called me - what is your favourite name?"
"I think KC suits you," I said, "It's the name your birth mum chose and it suits you - she didn't get everything wrong, she got some things right. Like you and TJ. She got both of you right."
I wasn't sure if I was making sense to him.
"Yes," he said, "I know that but what would you have called me if you first saw me as a baby in a hospital?" (Hospitals are where babies come from, apparently.)
"I really like KC," I said.
"No you don't," he replied, "It's not the sort of name our family has."
That was incredibly astute of him. Our family is full of Joseph's and Freddie's, Marcus's and Rachel's. Good old fashioned traditional names, whereas he and TJ have more 'modern' names - thank goodness they didn't ask about their original middle names which sounded as if they had come straight out of an edition of Heat Magazine. I try not to be a name snob but I do think that a name that suits a celebrity's child who attends a public school in Harrow is not going to sound quite the same when yelled across the playground at the local junior school. But that's probably just me.
Interestingly when the children were baptised and chose their own new middle names, they both picked more traditional ones.
I told KC that he could use his middle name if he liked, after all he chose it.
"I don't want to," he said, "I just want to know what you and Papa would have called me if I had been born to you."
I gave in, "Alright," I said, "When we were thinking about names, before we even knew about you, we had always said that we liked Ben for a boy and Beatrice (after my grandmother not Prince Andrew's eldest) for a girl. Interestingly, I later found out that my Gran hated her name, which is why she always shortened it to Bea - so KC is not alone in his dislike of his given name - but his reasoning is probably different.
"You can change me name to Ben if you like," he said, "I don't mind."
My heart went out to him. Was his sense of self so low that he was willing to change his name just to please us?
I cuddled him, "Look," I said softly, "There's a very famous play called Romeo and Juliet and in that play Juliet asks if she should stop loving Romeo just because of his name and she says, '... a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet' (I'm sure I paraphrased a little) and that means that no matter what we call a rose - we could call it a 'widgy' or a 'smellybum' - it would still smell the same and still be as beautiful. So it doesn't matter what your name is - you are still beautiful and still lovely and still very, very smelly!"
That got a laugh out of him.
I tucked him in.
'So," I said, "You will always be KC and we will always love you. Now go to sleep."
He sat up again. I braced myself.
'Daddy," he said.
"Yes," I held my breath.
"Is there a heaven?"
My guess was this was the sort of bedtime question designed to prevent lights out...
I looked at him. "If you don't go straight to sleep," I said, "You'll soon find out."
I don't think he got it - but he went to sleep anyway - whilst I poured a drink!
Adoption is hard work!!!!
This was the question KC gave me just before he got into bed last night.
I was suddenly stumped - why do kids always ask these things at bedtime? Do they really want an answer? Is it something that has been troubling them all day? Or do they simply not want to go to bed?
My guess was that this was something thay had been on his mind for a while and he was waiting for the right time.
I sat on the end of the bed - preparing for a long discussion.
"Well, the first thing to get out of the way," I began, "Is that you are 'really' ours - you're not going anywhere, this is your family and we love you very much. Okay?"
"Okay" he replied, "I know all that but if you had me as a baby then what would you have called me - what is your favourite name?"
"I think KC suits you," I said, "It's the name your birth mum chose and it suits you - she didn't get everything wrong, she got some things right. Like you and TJ. She got both of you right."
I wasn't sure if I was making sense to him.
"Yes," he said, "I know that but what would you have called me if you first saw me as a baby in a hospital?" (Hospitals are where babies come from, apparently.)
"I really like KC," I said.
"No you don't," he replied, "It's not the sort of name our family has."
That was incredibly astute of him. Our family is full of Joseph's and Freddie's, Marcus's and Rachel's. Good old fashioned traditional names, whereas he and TJ have more 'modern' names - thank goodness they didn't ask about their original middle names which sounded as if they had come straight out of an edition of Heat Magazine. I try not to be a name snob but I do think that a name that suits a celebrity's child who attends a public school in Harrow is not going to sound quite the same when yelled across the playground at the local junior school. But that's probably just me.
Interestingly when the children were baptised and chose their own new middle names, they both picked more traditional ones.
I told KC that he could use his middle name if he liked, after all he chose it.
"I don't want to," he said, "I just want to know what you and Papa would have called me if I had been born to you."
I gave in, "Alright," I said, "When we were thinking about names, before we even knew about you, we had always said that we liked Ben for a boy and Beatrice (after my grandmother not Prince Andrew's eldest) for a girl. Interestingly, I later found out that my Gran hated her name, which is why she always shortened it to Bea - so KC is not alone in his dislike of his given name - but his reasoning is probably different.
"You can change me name to Ben if you like," he said, "I don't mind."
My heart went out to him. Was his sense of self so low that he was willing to change his name just to please us?
I cuddled him, "Look," I said softly, "There's a very famous play called Romeo and Juliet and in that play Juliet asks if she should stop loving Romeo just because of his name and she says, '... a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet' (I'm sure I paraphrased a little) and that means that no matter what we call a rose - we could call it a 'widgy' or a 'smellybum' - it would still smell the same and still be as beautiful. So it doesn't matter what your name is - you are still beautiful and still lovely and still very, very smelly!"
That got a laugh out of him.
I tucked him in.
'So," I said, "You will always be KC and we will always love you. Now go to sleep."
He sat up again. I braced myself.
'Daddy," he said.
"Yes," I held my breath.
"Is there a heaven?"
My guess was this was the sort of bedtime question designed to prevent lights out...
I looked at him. "If you don't go straight to sleep," I said, "You'll soon find out."
I don't think he got it - but he went to sleep anyway - whilst I poured a drink!
Adoption is hard work!!!!
