The Waiting Game...

We're off to Singapore tomorrow for Chinese New Year - off to see the in-laws and have some quality time with family and friends...

But before that I have to submit my fourth assignment for my psychology degree - god bless the Open University.

It's not due in until next week but I know that if I say "I'll do it when I get there" or even less likely, "I'll do it on the plane," then I know I am lying to myself.

So I set aside a whole fortnight to do it. Which co-incided with my waiting for an important phone call to be recieved... Sometimes I wonder why I swapped acting for writing - you still have to wait for other people to make decisions - but with writing it takes a lot longer! (Well, in my limited experience anyway).

So I decided that I would get my assignment done nice and early and get it out of the way - the same advice I give the boys on their homework... Perhaps I should have limited my screen time as well, then I wouldnt have been checking my emails every two minutes, logging onto Facebook and Twitter, or playing Candy Crush Soda... (I blame my Mum for bringing that one to my attention - save the bears!!!!! No, that's not a cry to a gay superhero...)

The first week tootled on by - I had washing to catch up with, dogs to walk, cakes to bake - (Sometimes I do think I am turning into Martha Stewart - without the big hair or criminal record of course). Anything except my assignment. But that was okay as I had a tutorial to go to at the weekend  and that would solve all my issues with the assignment - 'I'll do it after that,'  I told myself cheerily and went back to popping the bottles.... Candy Crush Soda ones...

I went to my tutorial - it was lovely. We had a good catch up and a chat and then I came home with the smug sense of self-satisfaction that I had actually been into an educational establishment... and poured wine to congratulate myself.  Just like real university.

But then it was the weekend so I knew I wasn't going to be doing any writing.

Then it was this week... we were going to Singapore on Friday, I had better start to think about packing. Oh, and I still hadn't heard anything. 'No news is good news" I cheerily told myself not believing it for a minute. No news is no news! But I was going to keep myself occupied. I had the whole week to complete my assignment so I sat down to do it.

There was a lot to do... 

I'd better have a good think about it...

The dogs need walking and I'd better nip to the shop.

You get the picture... three days of avoidance (not the tax kind - just the work one)

Then it's today - we fly tomorrow. I haven't packed.

I haven't done my assignment.... 

I haven't had a phone call...

Oh well - I think I'll take the dogs for a walk to take my mind off things....

Anger Issues...

So TJ's angry phase continues...

Yesterday, he decided he would like to eat his lunch in class - during a lesson.

Obviously, his teacher wasn't having any of that and she told him to put his lunchbox away, he did - but only after throwing a chocolate biscuit at her...

After he had thrown the biscuit he then ran out of class and ran away from school. Luckily the Head saw him from her window and raced after him - although, as the school gates were locked, I'm not sure where he would have gone. But TJ often finds places to hide if things don't go his way.

Like the time he fell out with Papa at a major shopping centre and told him he was going to look for a new family - so he ran and hid in Marks and Spencers. It was 20 minutes before we and the entire shopfloor staff located him. When I did find him I just held him as he sobbed into my arms.

Likewise, yesterday, after I had chatted with the Head Teacher and TJ had apologised to his class teacher for throwing a biscuit at her, as soon as we left the building TJ collapsed into floods of tears.

Something's going on.

Then I remembered a couple of things - well, to be honest, my Mum reminded me - Mum's are good at that. Whilst we are 'celebrating' the fact that it was four years this week that the boys were placed with us permanently, TJ may not see it as a cause for celebration - it reminds him that he is different from his friends, that he is adopted and it's an unfortunate reality that in school he is now reaching the age where being adopted means that you obviously weren't wanted by your 'real' family and that his friends are likely to be reminding him of this - especially after the fall outs he had last week. It could also explain his anger towards me - I'm not a 'mum' but I do 'mum' stuff. At 9years old everything is gender specific - we fight against it, naturally, reminding him that girls can be good at football and boys are allowed to play with dolls etc - but, as I am learning, even in this day and age, not all parents do the same thing. I've heard other Dad's (and I'm ashamed to say it does seem to be the fathers who are guilty of this) telling their sons not to be 'sissys' or to 'man up' - I love that phrase. I wonder how much of this is then being repeated to TJ by their sons.

I think further investigation is required - but it does make sense.

Also, we are due to visit Papa's family in Singapore next week for Chinese New Year - as my Mum pointed out, despite all the excitement of going away and seeing his grandparents, deep down TJ hates leaving home - he would stay in the house all day if he could - or at least only go as far as the park. I guess my Mum is right (she'll love me for saying that) - everytime we leave home, no matter where to or for how long, TJ gets upset - he can't cope. Deep down he must associate leaving home with being moved, either from birth family or from foster carer to foster carer. No matter how young he was when he was taken into care the memories of 'leaving' are deep seated.

So, whilst lots of lovely friends told us to 'celebrate' our four year anniversary together - to celebrate our life as a family - we didn't. They don't need reminding that they came to live with us - that might only remind them that in order to do so they had to leave somewhere else.

We'll find other things to celebrate - Chinese New Year seems the most obvious - although I think we will have to keep it low key - too many people just overwhelm him...

KC on the other hand - he loves the attention - but maybe that just masks something else... (actually, I don't think so - I think he just loves it!)

Sometimes we can be guilty of reading too much into our children's behaviours - but sometimes we get it right...

Or rather Mum does.